IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some think that climate change reforms will negatively affect business. Others feel they are an opportunity for businesses. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#think #climate #change #reforms #business #opportunity #businesses
There are many who believe that businesses that adapt to adhere to climate change policies will suffer,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 others believe that
this
 could be of benefit to them. In
this
 essay, I will discuss why I agree with
this
 notion and form a conclusion.
Firstly
, many reforms that have occurred recently within the food industry have been met with disapproval.
For instance
,
discarding
Wrong verb form
discard
show examples
 plastic straws in favour of those that are made of paper. The latter material is not as durable or able to
with-hold
Correct your spelling
hold
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 fluids for long periods of time.
This
 means that, within one meal a person may have to ask for replacement cutlery items ruining the atmosphere and
overall
 experience.
Moreover
,
this
 drives people away from that chain as they are not able to eat comfortably and enjoy themselves.
Secondly
, clothing companies are looking at avenues to become more
eco friendly
Add a hyphen
eco-friendly
show examples
 with their fashion. Often,
this
 means that clothes are made from recycled substances.
Furthermore
,
this
 causes the
overall
 texture and look of the items to be reduced.
This
 is likely to put customers off, as the clothing is neither fashionable
or
Replace the word
nor
show examples
 comfortable enough to wear.
On the other hand
, industries that take into account the environmental problems that we are facing today may actually benefit from
such
 a venture. The issue of global warming is popular amongst the younger generation and its awareness is generated through social media.
Therefore
, any brand that becomes trendy on these platforms through both a business means and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sustainability, will automatically attract potential buyers.
Additionally
, the incorporation of new rules within an already existing corporation, suggests that
this
 organisation is adaptable. Again,
this
 is something that will pull in new customers.
Submitted by abeera2012 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and does not have a conclusion, which are key structural elements required in a well-organized essay. Introduce the topic effectively and provide a conclusion to summarize your points and state your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
While there is a logical sequence in presenting arguments, the essay could benefit from better use of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs. Include transition words and phrases to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
You have presented the main points for both sides of the argument, but you need to expand on your ideas and examples to provide a more comprehensive analysis. Be sure to fully develop your arguments with detailed explanations and pertinent examples to strengthen your position and provide a more complete response to the prompt.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, but they should be more specific and detailed to enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments. Use concrete evidence and real-world examples to support your ideas and make them more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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