Some people think that all lawbreakers should be taken into prison. In contrast, others believe there are better alternatives (for example, doing work or learning skills in the community). Discuss both views and give your opinion.
People have different views about whether
criminals
should be in jail or being
obliged to work and learn. Wrong verb form
be
While
changing outlaws through these methods can sometimes be useful in life, i
believe that keeping them in custody is more important. To achieve a clear picture, it is important to put Change the capitalization
I
this
matter into a broader context.
On the one hand, it is optimistically alleged that after a period of instructing
, these citizens would become lawful. Replace the word
instruction
This
assumption claims that this
method would be less time consuming so in a short time they can educate the criminals
and teach them ways of earning money in a legal way. Moreover
, by using them in some jobs that suffer from lack
of personnel, not only governments can save money, but Correct article usage
a lack
also
they can teach prisoners some skills. Clearly, it would be too frustrating to become practical.
On the other hand
, the most important reason which provoke
police to arrest Change the verb form
provokes
criminals
is to punish them and become a lesson for other individuals in the
society. The salient point Correct article usage
apply
in
here is that there should be a difference between a Change preposition
apply
law abiding
citizen with a lawbreaker. Add a hyphen
law-abiding
Furthermore
, it has been proved through the
history that jail is the best place to change someone's attitude and Correct article usage
apply
also
it is named by all prisoners as the worst place on the earth so in this
way
alteration in Add a comma
way,
outlaws
Change noun form
outlaws'
outlaw's
behavior
would be guaranteed. Change the spelling
behaviour
Hence
, the
society might be much safer which is the Correct article usage
apply
best case
scenario.
In conclusion, Add a hyphen
best-case
i
can understand why people want to try alternative ways Change the capitalization
I
in
the issues related to Change preposition
to
criminals
but it seems to me taking them in
prison is still a more desirable solution.Change preposition
to
Submitted by alifarzaneh on
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task achievement
The essay sufficiently addresses the prompt by discussing both views on lawbreaker punishment and providing the writer's opinion. However, to enhance task achievement, ensure that each viewpoint is explored fully with more detailed explanations and a wider range of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a range of cohesive devices and sometimes uses them inaccurately ('optimistically alleged,' 'become practical'). Improve cohesion by varying linking word choices and ensuring logical connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which strengthens the structure of the essay. Nevertheless, work on articulating a clear thesis statement in the introduction and ensure the conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, but should be further developed with more specific examples and evidence. Doing so will help to provide a more persuasive argument for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious of grammatical errors and pay attention to the use of articles ('a period of instructing'), prepositions ('provoked to arrest'), and proper capitalization ('i' should be 'I').
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.