IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

#people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
Nowadays, many
people
 decide to pursue their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 in university
while
 the skills
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 electricians and plumbers become limited; it is thought by some that vocational training has to be developed
for encouraging
Change preposition
to encourage
show examples
people
 in
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 limited
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I
am totally agree
Change the verb form
totally agree
show examples
 as
this
 is a positive development to empower students
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 more attractive and
also
 increase their skills in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
subjects since those fields were crucial in
industry
Replace the word
the industrial
show examples
 revolution around the world. In the beginning, electricity and plumbing in every
place
transform
Wrong verb form
transformed
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 important things that should
be handle
Change the verb form
be handled
show examples
be
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
engginers
Correct your spelling
engineers
engines
 or mechanics.
There a
Correct pronoun usage
A
show examples
 lot of
people
 begin to have no interest in
this
 job field as the salary
cannot
Verb problem
is not
show examples
 promising in several
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in developing
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
.
As a result
,
according to
 International Data Employees, the number of workers in
this
 subject
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
diminish
Change the verb form
diminished
show examples
 year by year.
Furthermore
,
this
 issue can be a harmful situation in the future if the world
lack
Correct subject-verb agreement
lacks
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
 electricians and plumbers.
For instance
, every
households
Change to a singular noun
household
show examples
,
companies
Fix the agreement mistake
company
show examples
,
industries
Fix the agreement mistake
industry
show examples
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 etc. will face difficulties
to solve
Change preposition
in solving
show examples
 the electricity problem,
water
 supply, heating system, sanitation and many others.
Fortunatelly
Correct your spelling
Fortunately
, it can impact to safety
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
 and the
place
 can lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
water
 or anything related to
this
 job.
Secondly
, improving some countries cannot
relinquish
Wrong verb form
be relinquished
show examples
 by
this
 matter since electricity and safety still become primary to build
skyscrapper
Correct your spelling
skyscrapers
skyscraper
,
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
, or
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
.
In other words
,
those
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 discipline is one of the
foundation
Change to a plural noun
foundations
show examples
to create
Change preposition
of creating
show examples
 a comfy and homey
place
 for many
people
 and all creatures. The lack of that subject when
build
Change the verb form
building
show examples
 a
bulding
Correct your spelling
building
 brings
detrimental
Correct article usage
a detrimental
show examples
 butterfly effect.
For example
, based on The Health article
publishing
Wrong verb form
published
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2023, a house or a
place
 without
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good sanitation and
water
 supply can damage
people
's
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
;
moreover
,
water
 is
aessential
Correct your spelling
an essential
materials
Fix the agreement mistake
material
show examples
 needed by
Correct article usage
the human's
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 body. In several cases, cancer
grow
Change the verb form
grows
show examples
 because of dirty
water
 from old
pipe
Fix the agreement mistake
pipes
show examples
.
That is
 why the expert electricians and plumbers
Add a missing verb
are extreamly
show examples
extreamly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 important to be trained. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, vocational training to boost the talent of students and attract them is important in every
place
 to create a better
place
 for everyone as deterrence from atrocious damage in the future.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay addresses the topic, but it suffers from severly limited coherence and structure. There is an evident lack of clarity in the progression of ideas, and the reader struggles to follow the argument due to disorganized paragraphs and underdeveloped points. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples and explanations.
Task Achievement
While you have attempted to respond to the task, your argument is not fully developed, and your position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. It is fundamental to have a clear thesis statement early in the essay and consistently support this throughout with on-topic, fully elaborated arguments. Work on directly answering the question posed and maintaining focus on the specifics of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • skilled workers
  • vocational training
  • academic study
  • qualified
  • electricians
  • plumbers
  • technicians
  • hands-on experience
  • job market
  • infrastructure
  • economy
  • unemployment rates
  • consumer spending
  • educational paths
  • job satisfaction
  • societal resilience
  • versatile workforce
What to do next:
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