IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph shows the number of boys and girls playing sport in an English town in 2012.

The graph shows the number of boys and girls playing sport in an English town in 2012.
#boys #girls #sport #english #town
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates how many children, divided in gender, played six various sports
such
Linking Words
 as
Tennis
Use synonyms
, Badminton, Cycling, Swimming,
Football
Use synonyms
 and Hockey in a town in England in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that more
boys
Use synonyms
 participated in four sports activities
while
Linking Words
girls
Use synonyms
 had more participated in two remaining sports. Meanwhile,
Football
Use synonyms
 held so much appeal among
boys
Use synonyms
 whilst
girls
Use synonyms
 were more in favour of swimming. Hockey was at the bottom of both group's
list
Fix the agreement mistake
lists
show examples
. Looking at more detail, in terms of
football
Use synonyms
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
boys
Use synonyms
 was approximately three times higher than
girls
Use synonyms
 with 60
while
Linking Words
girls
Use synonyms
number
Use synonyms
 was 20. With regards to
tennis
Use synonyms
, the numbers were closer to each other compared to
football
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 50
boys
Use synonyms
 played
tennis
Use synonyms
 just under 40
girls
Use synonyms
 played
this
Linking Words
 sport. Around 35
boys
Use synonyms
 did cycling,
however
Linking Words
 one-fifth of
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 was allocated to
girls
Use synonyms
. Regarding hockey, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
boys
Use synonyms
 was 15 and the
number
Use synonyms
 of
girls
Use synonyms
 was 5 lower than young men.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the majority of
girls
Use synonyms
 went swimming.
Whereas
Linking Words
 50 young women did
this
Linking Words
 sport, 40
boys
Use synonyms
 did
this
Linking Words
 sport. Almost the same trend can be seen in terms of badminton
whereas
Linking Words
 40
girls
Use synonyms
 went
tennis
Use synonyms
 court in 2012, and 10
number
Use synonyms
 lower
boys
Use synonyms
 went to
this
Linking Words
 place in a given year.
Submitted by sr.alizadeh9191 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words tennis, football, boys, girls, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: