IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some students do not have the natural ability for other languages. Some people think that schools should not force students to learn foreign languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #ability #languages #people #schools #force
There is no doubt that these days individuals are arguing about learning a new
language
 some people think that it is a waste of time and not useful
while
 other people believe that learning a new
language
 teaches lots of skills in your education and career. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss both views and draw my opinion. In terms of positive learning foreign languages gained their culture and develop our economy between much more countries and add in your life strict rules to improve your
language
 and some discipline 2-5 hours a day. The main reason given to support
this
 claim is that, in
this
 contemporary era companies want to keep employees who have a
language
 to stay in contact with another country. To illustrate, Korea has innovation lots of reports in the Middle East wants to keep concentration with these countries and need our citizens to stay studying a new
language
. There were statistics in our country about learning a foreign
language
 students were glad to learn a
language
 and develop their careers in the future.
in other words
, parents, schools, and society have to encourage them to study foreign languages for work, education, cultural exchange, and communication skills with other countries. In conclusion, learning new languages provides you with more opportunities in the world
in addition
, increases our economy to investment in lots of companies and our country's advancement.
Submitted by luhana.chii on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You need to develop your arguments more thoroughly and provide relevant, detailed examples to support your claims. The arguments are presented, but they lack the depth and elaboration needed for a higher score. Aim to explore each main point with specific examples and clear reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows some organization, but the logical progression of ideas could be improved. Make sure that each paragraph develops a single main idea and that this idea is clear to the reader. Transitions between paragraphs and sentences should also be smooth and logical to guide the reader through your argument.
language
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and the range of vocabulary you use. Errors can make your writing less clear and detract from the overall quality of your arguments. Work on varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: