IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Do you think it is better for students to work before their university study? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.

#students #work #university #study #support #choice
In all modern societies, universities are a place for researching and learning deeper. In the
university
,
students
 can be led to their interests and meet other
students
 who have the same joy
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 studying as they do. In my opinion,
students
 should first graduate from the
university
 and have the chance to study more precisely and
then
, get a
job
 based on their interests. One of the main reasons for advocating
this
 statement is that when an individual
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 graduated from the
university
, their
job
 would be more professional.
Hence
, they could contribute more
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and their occupation could come in handy in more important ways.
Subsequently
, when
students
 attend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
, they can decide which field
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
they
exactly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
want to be involved in.
Therefore
, they can choose their
job
 more wisely and
as a result
, their
job
 satisfaction would increase.
This
 leads to a more happy society and enhances the mental health of the youth. Another reason which can be put is that each person has their own potential and it may not be bloomed unless they join the
university
 and be in an academic environment. If a student starts to work before going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
, they may fall into the trap of doing basic jobs which
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 very
few
Correct quantifier usage
little
show examples
 knowledge
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Therefore
, their talents
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 never have a chance to shine.
Students
 should decide about their
job
 after they detect their
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
show examples
. In
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that case, they can make a
deciesion
Correct your spelling
decision
that is
 less likely to make them regret
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 the future.
Overall
, I am inclined to agree with the fact that universities are a stage for
students
 to find their true interests and talents. It would be a wise action to finish higher education first and
then
 choose the
job
. To sum it up, it would be a win-win situation for both the student and the society.
Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on

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task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that the main topic is addressed consistently throughout the essay. Provide clear examples to support your views, ensuring that these examples are relevant and specific to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Regarding coherence and cohesion, structure your essay into paragraphs with clear themes. Link your ideas logically and make sure each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Use a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to enhance clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preparation
  • mature
  • responsibility
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • adaptability
  • self-discipline
  • time management
  • organizational skills
  • career exploration
  • financial independence
  • work ethic
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