It is responsibilty of government to take care of health of citizens or citizens should take care of their own health. Give your opinion.

#responsibilty #government #care #health #citizens

One

of the conspicuous trends of today’s world is a colossal upsurge in the number of people believing that

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

to take . There is a widespread worry that

this

will lead to a myriad of concerns in

one

’s life.

However

, I do not entirely accept

this

and I will explain why in

this

essay. There are a number of arguments in favour of my stance. The most important

one

is that <POSITIVE POINT OF THE TOPIC> and there are numerous other benefits in various

field

Fix the agreement mistake

fields

show examples

. Thanks to a wide range of advantages it offers, not only

one

benefit more when it comes to being effective, but they can enhance productivity and quality of their lives, with much more ease, efficacy and convenience. Needless to say, all these merits stand

one

in good stead, as far as augmenting the chances of prosperity and excellence is concerned. Another pivotal factor in the above-mentioned proposition is that it is only likely to help

one

thrive and excel in varied areas.

Besides

, when only

one

follows

such

a system, can they broaden their horizons,

thus

learning

such

attributes as dedication and perseverance.

Hence

, it is apparent why many are in favour of <POSITIVE KEY POINT>. In the views of the arguments

outline

Wrong verb form

outlined

show examples

above,

one

can conclude that the benefits of <POSITIVE KEY POINT> are indeed too great to ignore.

Submitted by 13simran1990 on Fri Dec 22 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay, as it stands, lacks a clear structure and logical progression. The introduction is incomplete and does not provide a clear thesis statement. The essay also failed to mention a conclusion, which is necessary for a complete argument. It is important to start with an introductory paragraph that sets the context and states your opinion clearly. Make sure to have a concluding paragraph that summarizes your argument.

task achievement

Use topic sentences at the beginning of each body paragraph to express main ideas clearly, followed by supporting sentences with specific examples. The essay should clearly address the task by presenting your opinion and arguments for and against where appropriate.

coherence cohesion

The writing lacks cohesion and transitions between ideas. Repeating keywords and using synonyms appropriately, along with the use of connecting words (such as 'firstly,' 'moreover,' 'in conclusion'), will help to create a more coherent flow. Paragraphs should be organized and logically connected to each other.

task achievement

You must develop your ideas more fully. Instead of presenting multiple undeveloped points, focus on a few key ideas and elaborate on them with examples and explanations. General statements have to be backed with specific details; otherwise, the task will not be fully achieved.

task achievement

Consider using examples from real-life situations, studies or statistics that clearly relate to the topic. The essay lacks relevant and specific examples which are essential to effectively support your main points and to satisfy the requirements of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

226 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is responsibilty of government to take care of health of citizens or citizens should take care of their own health. Give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Prompt: Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? what other measures do you think might be effective?

An increasing number of schools provide tablets and laptop computers for students to use in schools, replacing books and other printed materials like exams and assignments. What are the advantages and disadvantage of this trend?

the best way to sovle world's environmental problem is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree.