Some people think that students benefit from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private secondary schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some would argue that private secondary
schools
could be beneficial for students
. Others would argue that the concept of private schools
influences society negatively. I believe that the idea of private schools
may hurt students
and families because these alternatives put a huge stain on households and have a negative psychological effects
on Correct the article-noun agreement
a negative psychological effect
negative psychological effects
adolescents
.
Some part
of society believe Fix the agreement mistake
parts
students
can advantage from
private Change preposition
of
schools
through their fascilities
and special Correct your spelling
facilities
treatments
from tutors. With the help of private Fix the agreement mistake
treatment
education
most Add a comma
education,
students
with low academic scores could be more successful than their counterparts who are studying in public schools
. To illustrate this
, private schools
in Europe, their
annual prices Correct pronoun usage
whose
fluctuated
between 10 and 20 Wrong verb form
fluctuate
thousands
euros, provide small groups of classrooms and extracurricular Change to singular
thousand
activites
for their Correct your spelling
activities
students
. The aim of these initials is to improve their students
' academic success. However
, their prices put a huge burden on households and this
one drawback makes these schools
unaffordable for many families.
Another approach to private education
that
the idea of paid Add a missing verb
is that
education
affects society negatively. Adolescents
who cannot afford these schools
may think they are not worthy to
private Change preposition
of
education
and they will be unsuccessful. These psychological questions can come up to
their minds Change preposition
into
in
that Change preposition
at
ages
and influence them negatively. Fix the agreement mistake
age
For example
, many students
before starting further
education
careers admit that they might be
lack in some areas that private Unnecessary verb
apply
schools
offer and this
can affect their collage
applications in a negative way. Correct your spelling
college
This
kind of psychological barrier is too much for adolescents
and private schools
are the only reason to
Change preposition
for
this
.
In conclusion, the fascilities
and conveniences of private Correct your spelling
facilities
schools
could be beneficial for students
, however
, I believe their prices are unaffordable for many households and their existence could harm other adolescents
' psychologies.Submitted by historicalpen on
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task achievement
Your essay adequately addresses the task, introducing the topic of private versus public schooling and their effects on students and society. However, to improve your score, I recommend expanding on both viewpoints with more detailed analysis and clearer examples. Your conclusion summarizes your stance but could benefit from further exploration of the implications or potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall structure, though transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to enhance readability. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use topic sentences effectively to signpost your main points to the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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