The only way to improve road safety is to give more stricter punishments for driving offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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With increasing the
private
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number of private
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cars,
the
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apply
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road
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safety
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is becoming less. Some claim that
should provide
Verb problem
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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strict
punishments
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for driving accidents and
this
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is the only way to develop
road
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safety
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.
However
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, considering reasons
such
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as
education
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and mental health, I totally disagree with
this
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idea.
This
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essay shall explain why I
against
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am against
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this
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statement for the following reasons.
To begin
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with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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hard
punishments
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cannot improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
road
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safety
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because it needs
education
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of
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about
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the
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apply
show examples
road
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safety
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. To clarify,
road
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rules and regulations should be taught before getting
Add an article
a driver
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driver
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driver's
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licence, and
as a result
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, driving crashes might be reduced.
For example
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, driving
school
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schools
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should take
lesson
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lessons
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of
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on
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road
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safety
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along with
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rules. Driving licences only
provide
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provided
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for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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pass the
road
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safety
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exam
besides
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training
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also
Add a missing verb
is also
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important to develop
road
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safety
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.
Hence
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, providing strict
punishments
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for driving offences cannot help to improve
road
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safety
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unlike
education
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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useful.
Furthermore
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, mental health
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also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
one of the
reason
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reasons
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for driving
offence
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offences
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because people suffer
these
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from these
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issues
in
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apply
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nowadays,
thus
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,
creates
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creating
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more driving crashes
while
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drive
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driving
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.
This
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means, these people should need
the
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apply
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psychological counselling
instead
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of
punishing
Replace the word
punishment
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.
For instance
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, drivers may increase
the
Change the word
their
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speed
suddently
Correct your spelling
suddenly
due to
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venting emotions. They cannot concentrate on
Use synonyms
road
Add an article
the road
show examples
and driving because they suffer
mental
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from mental
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health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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,
hence
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, psychological counselling is needed to reduce
the
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apply
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driving accidents and improve
the
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apply
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road
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safety
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instead
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of punishing
strictly
Correct pronoun usage
them strictly
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.
To conclude
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, providing strict
punishments
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for driving offences cannot improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
road
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safety
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because it needs
education
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and training
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
road
Use synonyms
safety
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as well as
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psychological counselling for
who
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those who
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suffers
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffer
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mental
Change preposition
from mental
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illness.
Therefore
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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statement in the above-mentioned details.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout, but the development of ideas is not fully elaborated. While examples are provided, they are generic and limited in effectiveness. You must expand on your ideas with more specific and varied examples to support your argument. Aim to analyze the points further and illustrate them with distinct, convincing scenarios to improve the completeness of your response.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, to enhance your score in this area, pay closer attention to paragraph organization so that each paragraph has a clear main idea and logical follow-through. Also, consider using a range of cohesive devices and transition words to link your points more effectively, ensuring a smoother flow of ideas throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deter
  • reckless behavior
  • psychological deterrence
  • adhere
  • penalties
  • awareness campaigns
  • knowledge and skills
  • technological solutions
  • advanced safety features
  • automatic braking systems
  • lane departure warnings
  • traffic surveillance
  • enforce laws
  • socio-economic impact
  • disproportionately
  • broader social issues
  • community engagement
  • road safety culture
  • collective responsibility
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