Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourage adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Sports
brings
more positive effects Verb problem
have
in
Change preposition
on
people
lives. Change noun form
people's
However
, some claim that watching sport
Change the noun form
sports
events
such
as Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
foster
to doing physical Correct subject-verb agreement
fosters
exercise
regularly while
others say that there are some other ways to encourage adults
to exercise
. I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons.
On the one hand, adults
can foster by watching sports
events
on TV. This
is because, it can stimulate to maintain a fit and healthy body
like sports
persons, some Olympic games are related to fitness. For example
, gymnastic games should require body
fitness when watching adult theses games on TV while
they encourage
to Wrong verb form
are encouraged
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
exercise
regularly, and as a result
, they may get a thin and lean body
without fat and overweight. Therefore
, watching sports
events
can foster
to young generation to do physical activity in everyday.
Verb problem
encourage
On the other hand
, there are some other ways to stimulate youngsters to exercise
regularly instead
of watching sports
events
on television. The authorities should create plenty of awareness about being healthy and fit. For instance
, the government have to conduct the
Correct article usage
apply
body building
Correct your spelling
bodybuilding
competition
among youth in order to they have to do exercise
and maintain their body
properly. Competition
type of encouragement can get a plethora of results as compared to entertainment-based on
. Change preposition
apply
Hence
, adults
can encourage
to do Wrong verb form
be encouraged
exercise
by conducting the
Correct article usage
a
body building
Add a hyphen
body-building
competition
.
To conclude
, although
youth persons
can encourage and maintain their Replace the word
people
body
by watching Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
sports
events
, the government will conduct the body building
Correct your spelling
bodybuilding
competition
among adults
in order they
have to Change preposition
for they
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
exercise
in everyday
. Replace the word
every day
Therefore
, I strongly agree with the competition
way of Replace the word
competitive
foster to
Wrong verb form
fostering
adults
can do physical activity regularly.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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task achievement
The essay lacks clear and comprehensive development of ideas. Expand on the main points with more detailed information and a wider range of vocabulary for better clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. The essay should clearly transition from one idea to the next, with each paragraph having a clear central topic.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices correctly. The essay should ensure that pronouns agree with their antecedents and that connectors and transition phrases are used appropriately to link ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state the topic and the writer's opinion. The conclusion should efficiently summarize the main points of the essay without introducing new arguments.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of ideas and phrases. Instead, paraphrase effectively and use synonyms to demonstrate a full command of the language.