IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #person’s #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
Individuals are not supposed to be valued based on social and wealth status.
Otherwise
, personality, trust, honesty, kindness, and other inner values are more important. In modern
society
, there is a tendency to evaluate individuals’
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
 regarding their material possessions and social class.
Society
 defined
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealthier individuals as a successful and respectful person.
This
 paradigm has a big role in the change of the way of thinking in
society
.
People
 start to focus on accumulating material wealth in any way
instead
 of enhancing their inner value.
For example
,
people
 tend to idolize a celebrity or a rich influencer because they have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
luxury cars, big houses, and other luxury things even though they have
charged
Add a missing verb
been charged
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 with
violence
Replace the word
violent
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 cases or
addicted
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are addicted
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 to harmful drugs.
As a result
, those famous
people
 do not feel guilty for their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 and tend to abuse their power. Our
society
 will defend their idol no matter what
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
. On the other side,
teachers
 who dedicate their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to teaching children in remote areas never get attention from
society
. They do not get the recognition they deserve.
However
,
teachers
 are more important
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
society
 than well-known
people
 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scandal
Fix the agreement mistake
scandals
show examples
.
Teachers
 have
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
roles
Fix the agreement mistake
role
show examples
 in educating the younger generations. Unfortunately, celebrities with scandals are often more respected than
teachers
 by our young generations.
However
, it is crucial for
society
 to reconsider the standard of success.
As well as
 recognizing the importance of inner value beyond material possessions. By redefining success that highlights not only material possessions but
also
 individual characteristics,
society
 can have a more balanced way of life. Emphasizing the importance of inner values can make a difference in
society
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
You made an attempt to answer the question, but your response is partial and one-sided. To improve, ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt and presents a balanced view. Develop your arguments with a discussion of both sides of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a basic organizational structure but needs more logical progression and clarity in ideas. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and clear topic sentences to improve paragraphing and flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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