IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#experts #children #language #schools #school #outweigh
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There are differing opinions on whether
children
 should study a
forein
Correct your spelling
foreign
language
 in their elementary
school
 rather than middle
school
. In my opinion, learning
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
language
 at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
age
 may cause these
children
forget
Add the particle
to forget
show examples
 their own
language
.
However
, the benefit from
that is
 they would
accelerated
Change the verb form
accelerate
be accelerated
show examples
 to be fluent. For that reason, I think the advantage far outweighs any possible disadvantages. On the negative side, too many
languages
children
 should learn may cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
confusion and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their native
language
. Consider pupils who study in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 international
school
. Teacher in these schools mainly
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 English to deliver teachings to their students every day and foster
two-ways
Correct your spelling
two-way
show examples
 communication in English.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
 a result,
while
 they are fluent
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the English
language
, they
also
 tend to forget their monther-tongue
language
, and it can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficulty communicating in their
non-english
Change the capitalization
non-English
show examples
 community.
However
, I believe that family could take a part in balancing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication with their original
languages
 at home, so
children
 would not forget their root
language
. On the positive side, the earlier
children
 are exposed
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a new
language
, the faster they would be fluent.
For example
, young polyglots who can speak
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different
languages
 are taught foreign
languages
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 earlier
age
. By immersing new vocabulary and phrases at
such
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
age
, their brains are easier to grasp that information for the long-term memory. Being
excel
Replace the word
excellent
show examples
 in several
languages
 definitely could expose them
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 wide range of international subjects.
Thus
, in my perspective, fostering international
languages
Fix the agreement mistake
language
show examples
 learning at early
school
 could benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals in the long run. In conclusion,
while
 learning foreign
languages
 could
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
result in losing their local
language
 ability, I believe the upside outweighs the downside that
children
 may
easier
Rephrase
find easily
show examples
 to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a foreign
language
 at
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early
age
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined. This essay lacks a recognizable introduction and conclusion, making it difficult for the reader to understand the main argument of the essay.
supported main points
You need to create clearer paragraphs with topic sentences that signal the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, make sure that each main point is expanded upon with supporting sentences.
complete response
Your response must address all parts of the task. Provide a balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages if the question asks for them, and ensure your opinion is clear throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your main ideas. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea and supporting details. Use more complex sentences to fully explain your points.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples are necessary to support your points. Each example should demonstrate how it directly relates to the topic. Aim for specific examples rather than generic statements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Enhance
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Pronunciation
  • Mimic
  • Native-like accent
  • Cultural awareness
  • Sensitivity
  • Exposure
  • Resource allocation
  • Qualified
  • Effective instruction
  • Overwhelmed
  • Curriculum
  • Undermining
  • Mother tongue
  • Prioritizing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: