IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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There are differing opinions on whether
children
Use synonyms
 should study a
forein
Correct your spelling
foreign
language
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 in their elementary
school
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 rather than middle
school
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. In my opinion, learning
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
language
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 at
the
Correct article usage
a
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 young
age
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 may cause these
children
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forget
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to forget
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 their own
language
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.
However
Linking Words
, the benefit from
that is
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 they would
accelerated
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accelerate
be accelerated
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 to be fluent. For that reason, I think the advantage far outweighs any possible disadvantages. On the negative side, too many
languages
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children
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 should learn may cause
the
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apply
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confusion and
lack
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a lack
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for
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of
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 their native
language
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. Consider pupils who study in
the
Correct article usage
an
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 international
school
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. Teacher in these schools mainly
use
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uses
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 English to deliver teachings to their students every day and foster
two-ways
Correct your spelling
two-way
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 communication in English.
In
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As
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 a result,
while
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 they are fluent
to
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in
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 the English
language
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, they
also
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 tend to forget their monther-tongue
language
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, and it can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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difficulty communicating in their
non-english
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non-English
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 community.
However
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, I believe that family could take a part in balancing
the
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apply
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communication with their original
languages
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 at home, so
children
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 would not forget their root
language
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. On the positive side, the earlier
children
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 are exposed
with
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to
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 a new
language
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, the faster they would be fluent.
For example
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, young polyglots who can speak
in
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apply
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different
languages
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 are taught foreign
languages
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in
Change preposition
at
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their
Change the word
an
show examples
 earlier
age
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. By immersing new vocabulary and phrases at
such
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 young
age
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, their brains are easier to grasp that information for the long-term memory. Being
excel
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excellent
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 in several
languages
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 definitely could expose them
with
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 wide range of international subjects.
Thus
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, in my perspective, fostering international
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languages
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language
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 learning at early
school
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 could benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals in the long run. In conclusion,
while
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 learning foreign
languages
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 could
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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result in losing their local
language
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 ability, I believe the upside outweighs the downside that
children
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 may
easier
Rephrase
find easily
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 to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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advanced
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
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in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a foreign
language
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 at
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early
age
Use synonyms
.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined. This essay lacks a recognizable introduction and conclusion, making it difficult for the reader to understand the main argument of the essay.
supported main points
You need to create clearer paragraphs with topic sentences that signal the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, make sure that each main point is expanded upon with supporting sentences.
complete response
Your response must address all parts of the task. Provide a balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages if the question asks for them, and ensure your opinion is clear throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your main ideas. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea and supporting details. Use more complex sentences to fully explain your points.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples are necessary to support your points. Each example should demonstrate how it directly relates to the topic. Aim for specific examples rather than generic statements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Enhance
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Pronunciation
  • Mimic
  • Native-like accent
  • Cultural awareness
  • Sensitivity
  • Exposure
  • Resource allocation
  • Qualified
  • Effective instruction
  • Overwhelmed
  • Curriculum
  • Undermining
  • Mother tongue
  • Prioritizing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: