More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods

An increasing number of people are becoming crucial too fat. There are controversies recommended to solve

this

problem with thriving food. In my opinion, I disagree, because to solve

this

problem people need a total change

our

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

eating habits and exercise regularly. The

solutions

Fix the agreement mistake

solution

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

this

problem

need

Verb problem

show examples

a total change in all of our eating habits. We should revise the contents of all of our daily foods and ensure that

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

provides

Correct subject-verb agreement

provide

show examples

us with all the basic nutrients and all of our

heath-requirements

Correct your spelling

heath requirements

show examples

for example

, fruits, vegetables, milk, fish,

meat

Correct word choice

and meat

show examples

Moreover

, we should add

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

exercise to our daily routine, as the doctor

recommend

Change the verb form

recommends

show examples

that we should practice walking daily for a minimum of 10 minutes.

Also

, we should implement

this

concept in our new generation to raise a good healthy family. The governments should have a great role

Change preposition

show examples

this

by organising a campaign that would advertise

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a healthy lifestyle and offer places for free walking and a sports centre at a low cost. In conclusion, obesity

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

always be a common

heath

Correct your spelling

health

show examples

issue unless we change our lifestyle in terms of

healthy

Correct article usage

a healthy

show examples

and balanced diet and good physical exercise.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Sat Dec 23 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present

The essay does provide an introduction and a conclusion, but both sections could be developed further to more effectively present a clear thesis statement and summarize your key points. The introduction should explicitly state your position on the topic, while the conclusion should reiterate your stance and summarize your main arguments.

logical structure

Your essay could benefit from a clearer and more logical structure. Use transitional phrases to better link your ideas and paragraphs. Make sure each body paragraph focuses on a single main idea that supports your argument.

supported main points

While you have attempted to support your main points, your arguments could be strengthened with specific examples. Use data, case studies, or real-life examples to make your points more convincing and to show a deeper understanding of the topic.

complete response

The response to the task is somewhat limited. To fully address the prompt, discuss both sides of the argument. Acknowledge the suggestion of increasing the price of fattening foods, and then explain why you agree or disagree with this potential solution.

clear comprehensive ideas

The ideas you've presented are somewhat relevant, but they can be articulated more clearly and comprehensively. Work on developing each point thoroughly, expanding on your reasoning and showing how it relates to the question.

relevant specific examples

More specific, relevant examples can significantly enhance your essay. Provide concrete evidence or scenarios where modifying eating habits and increasing exercise has had a positive impact on obesity rates. By doing so, you help the reader understand the real-world application of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

193 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
overweight
fattening foods
calorie-dense
healthier food choices
taxation
economic implications
social implications
subsidies
nutritional education
public health campaigns
nanny state
individual's right
consumer behavior
preventative measures

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Some people think that the success of life is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe that there are more important factors, such as having money or a good appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People believe being successful is essential for individuals. There is a known belief among some people that hard work and determination are the keys to success in life. However, another group of people think that some extra factors like a wealthy and attractive looking play a role in being successful. This essay will argue both sides, and finally, I will explore my own idea.
4.5
band
some people take up the temporary jobs so that they have more time to do the other things. Does the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?
After the pandemic, the patterns of work life balance have changed a lot. The methods instilled earlier for working are seen now in different perspective. Earlier people used to focus all, on their primary goal or dream job or profession, but now they have shifted to take some temporary jobs to do some other things.
5.5
band
In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?
In this contemporary era, an increasing number of citizens globally, are adopting the usage of digital payments via smartphones applications as the primary mode of transaction. I strongly believe that this trend has multiple benefits and more about this will be discussed in this essay.
7
band
It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
These days, one of the most important things in personal and professional lives is to take risks, whose benefits outweigh its drawbacks like making progress in both lives which leads to a successful life.
7
band
It is becoming increasingly expensive to keep museums open to public. What do you think is the best way of funding them (e.g. government, businesses or individuals)?
In the current world , individuals think that authorities should invest tax-payer income to develop and fix the healthcare sector , while others disagree and suggest the utilization of this money in other areas . I personally believe that healthcare enhancement is indispensable . So, huge investments should be established in order to provide the optimum prevention and treatment to the community . On one hand , those who are against the government's full funding for healthcare institutions tackled other crucial concerns such as climate change , transport and education . They suggested equal funding to each sector , and they claimed that because they are the ones who pay the taxes ; they have the right to decide how to divide them . Some added that people should pay for their healthcare services and insurance companies can cover a wide range of the treatments offered . Conversely , some argue that healthcare is the most important fundamental service to be provided and should be totall...

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that the success of life is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe that there are more important factors, such as having money or a good appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

some people take up the temporary jobs so that they have more time to do the other things. Does the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

It is becoming increasingly expensive to keep museums open to public. What do you think is the best way of funding them (e.g. government, businesses or individuals)?