More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
An increasing number of people are becoming crucial too fat. There are controversies recommended to solve
this
problem with thriving food. In my opinion, I disagree, because to solve this
problem people need a total change our
eating habits and exercise regularly.
The Correct pronoun usage
their
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
for
Change preposition
to
this
problem need
a total change in all of our eating habits. We should revise the contents of all of our daily foods and ensure that Verb problem
is
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
provides
us with all the basic nutrients and all of our Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
heath-requirements
Correct your spelling
heath requirements
for example
, fruits, vegetables, milk, fish, meat
.
Correct word choice
and meat
Moreover
, we should add the
exercise to our daily routine, as the doctor Correct article usage
apply
recommend
that we should practice walking daily for a minimum of 10 minutes. Change the verb form
recommends
Also
, we should implement this
concept in our new generation to raise a good healthy family. The governments should have a great role on
Change preposition
in
this
by organising a campaign that would advertise for
a healthy lifestyle and offer places for free walking and a sports centre at a low cost.
In conclusion, obesity Change preposition
apply
would
always be a common Wrong verb form
will
heath
issue unless we change our lifestyle in terms of Correct your spelling
health
healthy
and balanced diet and good physical exercise.Correct article usage
a healthy
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction conclusion present
The essay does provide an introduction and a conclusion, but both sections could be developed further to more effectively present a clear thesis statement and summarize your key points. The introduction should explicitly state your position on the topic, while the conclusion should reiterate your stance and summarize your main arguments.
logical structure
Your essay could benefit from a clearer and more logical structure. Use transitional phrases to better link your ideas and paragraphs. Make sure each body paragraph focuses on a single main idea that supports your argument.
supported main points
While you have attempted to support your main points, your arguments could be strengthened with specific examples. Use data, case studies, or real-life examples to make your points more convincing and to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
complete response
The response to the task is somewhat limited. To fully address the prompt, discuss both sides of the argument. Acknowledge the suggestion of increasing the price of fattening foods, and then explain why you agree or disagree with this potential solution.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas you've presented are somewhat relevant, but they can be articulated more clearly and comprehensively. Work on developing each point thoroughly, expanding on your reasoning and showing how it relates to the question.
relevant specific examples
More specific, relevant examples can significantly enhance your essay. Provide concrete evidence or scenarios where modifying eating habits and increasing exercise has had a positive impact on obesity rates. By doing so, you help the reader understand the real-world application of your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.