Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is military for
Correct article usage
the
women
.People guess women
should be allowed to
the army just like men in different areas.Personally,Change preposition
into
i
tend to think that they Change the capitalization
I
Correct your spelling
should
shoud
not spend their time in Correct your spelling
should
military
Add an article
the military
Firstly
,it is well known that women
are weak gender and it may be problem
to do some exercises for them.What Add an article
a problem
i
mean here is that Change the capitalization
I
female
have low testosterone which is important in physical activities Fix the agreement mistake
females
that
is
take up a lot of time in Unnecessary verb
apply
military
.I am not about whole Add an article
the military
women
,but loads of them would get in the way of army works
.So what Fix the agreement mistake
work
i
wanted to say,their physique may not permit them many different departments Change the capitalization
I
of
these areas.Even more so the Change preposition
in
navy
and airforce have a field department where there will be a lot of outdoor work in forests and remote areas which involves a lot of bodily effort.
Capitalize word
Navy
On the other hand
,it can also
be argued that weak
gender will be Correct article usage
a weak
sexual
object for Add an article
a sexual
someone’s
.Take Change the noun form
someones
someone
for example
even if women
would not do physical activities,they will
be just help as Wrong verb form
would
a nurses
,enemy soldiers able to use them for sexual intercourse if they Correct the article-noun agreement
a nurse
nurses
capture
them.
In conclusion,despite Wrong verb form
captured
that
Change the determiner
that woman
those women
women
can help in many aspects,it is true that certain works intended
for males, including the army Add a missing verb
are intended
itselfs
.Correct your spelling
itself
Submitted by dnm.best on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
content and development
Develop ideas more fully with clear, specific examples. Your essay provides a stance but lacks in-depth analysis or real-world illustrations to strengthen your arguments.
vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. Avoid repeating the same words and phrases.
structure
Improve essay structure by adding clear introductions and conclusions that summarize your arguments and stance.
grammar
Work on sentence structure and use of grammar to make your argument clearer and more professional.
balance and fairness
Consider exploring both sides of the argument more thoroughly to create a more balanced and reasoned approach to your essay. Even if you have a strong opinion, showing understanding of the opposite viewpoint adds depth to your writing.
topic engagement
Tackling a controversial and significant topic shows a willingness to engage with complex issues.
stance clarity
Providing a clear stance on the issue, which helps to guide the structure of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.