IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

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Many
museums
Use synonyms
 are demanding cost to allow
people
Use synonyms
 to visit there whilst they are allowed to visit other
museums
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 complimentary. The advantages of paying for
museums
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 are worth them as I believe that
people
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 can play a positive role in preserving their properties. Charging to enter
museums
Use synonyms
 has two main advantages. One of the major benefits is that the charge has been taken into consideration by authorities to provide better facilities and conditions in order to maintain the heritage for as many decades as possible. By way of example,
this
Linking Words
 charge spends on improving the security of these places by recruiting more guards to prevent the danger of burglary or they may intend to employ more museum curators.
Therefore
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, it gives visitors a sense of fulfilment as they have participated in the protection of their possessions.
Also
Linking Words
, society usually appreciates something which is spent money on it.
Thus
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, if they pay money to visit
museums
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, more appreciation will be regarded for these valuable properties on the folk's behalf.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 trend brings about decreasing individuals' knowledge regarding their history and ancestors.
Due to
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 myriad of
people
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 have been reluctant to go to
such
Linking Words
museums
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 as they cannot pay the price of tickets and they are the target of a limited number of tourists and natives.
whereas
Linking Words
, if more
museums
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 become free, not only they
are
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 affordable for all
people
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, but
also
Linking Words
people
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 will be encouraged to know more about cultures, histories, and arts.
For instance
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, in my country, the number of visitors
of
Change preposition
to
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Golestan
Correct article usage
the Golestan
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palace museum
Correct your spelling
Palace Museum
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 is normally more than Zaman
museums
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 because it doesn't require
charge
Add an article
a charge
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, fewer foreigners would know about our traditions, artefacts, and customs and they would share less information with their fellow countries. In conclusion, in my view, the upsides of getting fees at the entrance of the
museums
Use synonyms
 outweigh its downsides as it causes national properties will hold in descent situations and will be able to remain for more years to be represented to the next generations.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smoother and more purposeful to enhance the logical structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but work on making your thesis statement clearer in the introduction and restate your main points more effectively in the conclusion to leave a stronger final impression.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more detailed examples and evidence. Try to vary sentence structure to add depth to your arguments. This makes your points more compelling and your essay more engaging.
task achievement
You have responded to the task adequately by presenting arguments for both sides and offering a clear opinion. To improve, ensure that you completely answer all parts of the prompt and develop your ideas more fully.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and detail in your ideas to provide a more comprehensive view. While you've conveyed your opinion, elaborating on the nuances would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your claims; this strengthens your argument and shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic. Try to draw from a wide range of sources or contexts to add depth to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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