IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #fulltime #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart illustrates the
number
 of males and females who are making higher
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
 or part-time in Britain.
Overall
, the highest value in
graph
Correct article usage
the graph
show examples
 belongs to the females studying part-time.
In between
Change preposition
Between
show examples
 1970 and
1991
Add a comma
1991,
show examples
 the
number
 of females steadily increased in both
education
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
while
 males fluctuated. In detail, the
number
 of women that have
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
education
 and part-time
education
continualy
Correct your spelling
continually
 increased between 1970 and 1991.
While
 the
number
 of
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 studying part-time
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 nearly 700.000 in 1970, it
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 1.100.000 in 1990.
Also
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of women having full-time
education
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 nearly 90.000 which is the minimum value on
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 graph, it ended up
nearly
Change preposition
at nearly
show examples
 200.000 by 1990.
Furthermore
, whilst the
number
 of men that have
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
 showed
steady
Add an article
a steady
show examples
 rise, the
number
 of men that have part-time
education
 fluctuated. In 1970, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 1.000.000
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
 part-time, it decreased to nearly 830.000 in 1980
then
 it showed
slight
Add an article
a slight
show examples
 increase to 900.000 by 1990.
Submitted by asik.melliss on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, education with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 4 times.
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