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Band 5

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that they should not go to school until they are older. Discuss and give opinion.

#people #children #school #age
Nowadays, the right
age
 of schooling become an intellectual conflict among the experts.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 defenders argue that kids should attend school as early as possible, opponents think that the appropriate time of schooling is over the 6 or 7. In my point of view, not the former but the latter group’s ideology is more realistic and worth
to be supported
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
.
This
 essay delves into these opinions and expresses my notion before drawing a reasonable conclusion. On the one hand, when a kid commences his education earlier, he
attend
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attends
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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university sooner. It will lead
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
number of benefits
such
 as
expanded
Correct article usage
an expanded
show examples
 professional life. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
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, it might
boosts
Change the verb form
boost
show examples
 the
country
Change noun form
country's
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 economic status in the long run. I
decided
Add the particle
decided to
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 take my cousin as a real example
,
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apply
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 because he was gifted enough he is just 21 but now he is a master accountant in
national
Add an article
the national
a national
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 tax office, so
regime
Correct article usage
the regime
show examples
 would take granted for having
such
 occupations.
Moreover
, parents can reveal the aptitude and flair of their child sooner if they go to school
in
Change preposition
at
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 the
age
 of 3.
as
Capitalize word
As
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 a result, they will find and stream
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
be-loved
Correct your spelling
loved
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 child sooner.
On the contrary
, the early
age
 of children is considered to be the most crucial years for kids. They should be treated
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 love, affection and attention by their guardians. Going to educational settings means they should lose these basic needs.
Furthermore
,
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at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
 they
are not prepare
Change the verb form
are not prepared
are not preparing
show examples
 to catch all educated and instructed concepts
,
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apply
show examples
 because their cognitive learning is not complete sufficiently. In conclusion,
although
 people have divergent attitudes toward the right
age
 of schooling
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
each group has their own justifications. In my perspective, since
early
Add an article
the early
show examples
age
 of life is really important for kids and they must have adequate time to play and distinguish the world around
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 it is unfair to assign their valuable time to learning tough curriculums
such
 as math and science.
Submitted by ziba.gharehnazifam on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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