IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, Business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

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Some people think that it is as split
data
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 as possible about studies
such
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 as business and the academic world.
while
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 others have confidence that sharing
information
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 freely is not good because some
information
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 is costly and highly prioritized.
Research
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 is done with a lot of contribution of person or team. It is impossible to measure and value.
Therefore
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, my opinion is not to share important pieces of
information
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 with the researchers and others should charge a reasonable price. In the beginning, some
research
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data
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 is really important for the state’s security. Because, some
research
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 done about the population's health, about government finances.
Such
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data
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 shouldn’t be published or shared. If it's not, it will be a threat to the government and the country's economy
as well as
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 security. or Economics and financial crises will occur
Secondly
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,
Moreover
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, some
data
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such
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 as exploring market
research
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, trends, and factors are valuable
data
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 for future decision-making and planning or forecasting. All so that
information
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 will help to innovations, and prevent future conflicts and diseases.
Such
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 as market
research
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 helps to encourage innovation and implement new methods. Those
data
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 are really important to the implementation of new things. it can help to grow individual, state and world economies. If the researcher doesn't have enough funds or technology it will be helpful to sell that
data
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 to the people who could do it. Or use it for their development.
To conclude
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, it is clear,
my
Correct word choice
that my
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 opinion is that important
research
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data
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 not be freely shared or sold and
moreover
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 if it is helpful for global and individual developments it should be shared and worked collaboratively or
sell it
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sold
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 for a reasonable price.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay does not follow a clear logical structure, making it difficult to follow the progression of your ideas. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within that paragraph support the main idea. Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas within and across sentences more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are present, but they fail to adequately paraphrase the prompt or clearly state your position. In future essays, be sure to restate the question in your own words and clearly outline your stance in the introduction. The conclusion should summarize your main points and reiterate your thesis. This will enhance the clarity of your essay's purpose.
coherence cohesion
While your essay attempts to support the main points, the supporting details and examples are weak and sometimes unclear. Work on providing specific and relevant examples that directly support your arguments. Ensure that your evidence is persuasive and illustrates your points effectively.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the prompt but lacks a full and complete response to all parts of the question. Make sure to cover all aspects of the task prompt, presenting a clear position throughout the response. Expand on your ideas to fully develop your argument and meet the required task response.
task achievement
The ideas presented in your essay are somewhat clear, but they are not always comprehensive or fully developed. In future writing tasks, aim to develop your ideas fully, ensuring that each point made is explored in depth and explained clearly for the reader.
task achievement
The use of specific examples to support your points is not sufficiently clear or relevant, making your arguments less convincing. To improve your score, incorporate clear and directly relevant examples to strengthen your arguments, and ensure these examples are fully explained and linked back to the question.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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