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Writing Samples /
Band 1

Write about the following topic: In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #britain #someone #home #people #nurses #government #care
The elder
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
often live in
care
 homes in Britain,
While
 some
people
 believe that the expense should be
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
 by the family, others argue that it is the responsibility of the government. I support the latter view which I will explain in
this
 essay. The
people
 who advocate that family is responsible
to take
Change preposition
for taking
show examples
care
elder
Change preposition
of elder
show examples
people
 claim that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should not
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
show examples
 for individual
care
 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should focus on public development.
For example
, the UK government is spending 300
millioon dollers
Correct your spelling
million dollars
 each year
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 nursing homes for elder
care
. If
this
 money could
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
infrastrecture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 or educational
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
,
tax
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
payers
Change noun form
payers'
payer's
show examples
 money would be utilized in
effective
Change the article
an effective
show examples
 way
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is elementary and lacks clear progression of arguments. The introduction outlines the topic, but there is no clear conclusion that encapsulates the writer's point of view or summarizes their arguments. Also, consider improving paragraphing to better organize your content.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are either incomplete or missing. Ensure that your essay has a clear introductory paragraph outlining the discussion points, and a concluding paragraph where you summarize your arguments or restate your position. This is crucial to frame your argument effectively and provide a satisfying closure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
In supporting your main points, you need to develop your arguments more thoroughly. It is critical that each main point you raise is fully explained and adequately supported with evidence or examples. Aim to delve deeper into why you believe the government should bear the cost of elder care, with more precise arguments and relevant examples.
task achievement
Your response is incomplete and lacks a comprehensive treatment of the topic. Expand on your ideas, fully respond to the question, and ensure a balanced discussion. Include a more thorough exploration of both views, and substantiate your preference with a detailed justification. Each paragraph should contribute to an overall answer to the question posed.
task achievement
While you have attempted to present some clear ideas, they are underdeveloped. Ideas should be clear, comprehensive, and well-argued throughout your essay. Consider using more complex structures to construct arguments and definitively state your stance on the topic. Be explicit in why you support one side and what the implications are of supporting that side over the other.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples is lacking and does not adequately support your position. When you do offer an example, ensure it's accurate, relevant, and detailed. Reference reliable sources or provide realistic, relatable scenarios that convincingly back up your arguments. For instance, instead of mentioning an unsupported and potentially inaccurate figure, you could cite a real study or statistic regarding government spending on elder care.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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