In the future, it seems more difficult to live on Earth. Some people think more money should be spent on researching another planet to live, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Technology has taken over our lives and it provides
teremendous
Correct your spelling
tremendous
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
for people and it might offer
livinig
Correct your spelling
living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
another
planet
, in future. It is argued that institutes have to spend large chunks of
money
to research to live
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
another
planet
.
this
Capitalize word
This
show examples
trend is considered to be negative compared with negligible positive aspects.
this
essay will support our opinion with examples. On the one hand,
this
trend has some plus points. To start with, we may find a better
planet
with a more proper situation for living.
For example
, if we find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
planet
that
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
some suitable characteristics
such
as lush vegetation and enough clean water, all people desperately want to immigrate there.
However
, there is no guarantee to find
this
planet
even with spending a lot of
money
.
Therefore
, it is somehow
plausibe
Correct your spelling
plausible
to explore to discover a novel
planet
.
On the other hand
, I believe that
this
research is detrimental.
Firstly
, I think we have to preserve our
natrual
Correct your spelling
natural
habitat, apart from finding a new
planet
and if people see a novel
planet
that they can transfer to them, they
absoloutly
Correct your spelling
absolutely
will destroy the earth's habitat.
Moreover
, we can spend much more
money
to invest in fields related to
keep
Change the verb form
keeping
show examples
the earth safe ,except spending to find
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
planet
.
As a result
, it can be certainly said
this
trend is not
onlt
Correct your spelling
only
unnecessary but
also
detrimental. all things considered,
although
it has some plus points ,
such
as the chance of finding a decent
planet
and better quality of life,
this
is supported by many
fact
Change to a plural noun
facts
show examples
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
detrimental like wasting large chunks of
money
and being unmotivated about protecting habitat.
Submitted by behshad_arabzadeh on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and distinct, and they directly address the essay prompt. Your current introduction and conclusion are lacking direct relevance to the specific issue at hand regarding funding for space exploration.
Task Achievement
Work on developing your ideas more comprehensively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, with fully elaborated and well-supported points rather than general statements.
Task Achievement
Aim to provide more specific examples that are directly relevant to your arguments. Vague or hypothetical examples lessen the impact of your reasoning and make your essay less persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay with a more logical structure. Use clear, logical paragraphing and make sure each paragraph centers around a single main idea for better coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strive to maintain a logical flow throughout your essay. The progression from one idea to another should be smooth and easy to follow, with clear connections between points and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Address grammatical errors such as spelling ('teremendous' should be 'tremendous', 'natrual' should be 'natural') and syntax issues for improved coherence and overall readability.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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