Some people think that government should give high salary to the celebrities but others think that it should be provided to doctors and teachers discuss both views and give ur views

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Today, we are living in an age of materialism in which, money makes the mare go. Needless to say, we need money not only to fulfil our needs

Remove the comma

apply

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but

also

Linking Words

for progress and advancement. The source of earning may be any, whether job, business

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

trade etc. As far as the question of

celebrities

Use synonyms

is concerned, they are making

a huge amounts

Correct the article-noun agreement

huge amounts

a huge amount

show examples

of money in every aspect of life,

on the other hand

Linking Words

doctors

Use synonyms

and

teachers

Use synonyms

are struggling to fulfil

living

Correct pronoun usage

their living

show examples

end. I am in favour of

teachers

Use synonyms

' and

doctors

Use synonyms

' pay rises

instead

Linking Words

celebrities

Use synonyms

Celebrities

Use synonyms

are the people we admire the most but their real talent is their charismatic look or voice mostly.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the real heroes are

doctors

Use synonyms

and

teachers

Use synonyms

with whom we interact most in our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Teachers

Use synonyms

play a vital role in the growth of society, by educating the youth of the country and

doctors

Use synonyms

save during bad

time

Fix the agreement mistake

times

show examples

Celebrities

Use synonyms

are there only in good time to entertain us. So, I think

teachers

Use synonyms

and

docter

Correct your spelling

doctors

are more important than

celebrities

Use synonyms

. To become a

Use synonyms

Fix the agreement mistake

celebrity

show examples

celebrities

Fix the agreement mistake

celebrity

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not any

Rephrase

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hard work

required

Add a missing verb

is required

show examples

one

Use synonyms

born with luck becomes a celebrity.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, to become a teacher and doctor

one

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needs to study day and night and

also

Linking Words

sacrifice some family gatherings to keep focused on the goal. So, it is the

government

Change noun form

government's

show examples

job to give them sufficient salary. As we discussed above

one

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conclude that if

government

Add an article

the government

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gives high salaries to

doctors

Use synonyms

and

teachers

Use synonyms

then

Linking Words

more students will try to become

one

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

can make everyone's life easy compared to

celebrities

Use synonyms

' salary

rise

Fix the agreement mistake

rises

show examples

can push most of the youth toward becoming

celebrities

Use synonyms

that will not make any sense in the end.

13simran1990Sun Dec 24 2023

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Task Achievement

For task achievement, ensure you address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. The essay did not fully develop an argument for both views outlined in the question. Make sure to present and explore both sides equally before providing your personal opinion.

Coherence & Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, work on structuring your essay with clear paragraphs, each containing a central idea with supporting sentences. Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas across the essay. Logical progression was at times unclear, making the argument difficult to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

remuneration
public funds
essential services
infrastructure
economic contribution
public sector
private sector
high-profile
charismatic
lifesaving procedures
intellectual development

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Some people think that government should give high salary to the celebrities but others think that it should be provided to doctors and teachers discuss both views and give ur views

Fully explain your ideas

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

There are many extinct animals’ species in the world. Some people think we should protect animals from dying out, while others believe we should spend more time on problems of human beings. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people think that the success of life is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe that there are more important factors, such as having money or a good appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.