Some people think that government should give high salary to the celebrities but others think that it should be provided to doctors and teachers discuss both views and give ur views

#people #government #salary #celebrities #doctors #teachers #ur

Today, we are living in an age of materialism in which, money makes the mare go. Needless to say, we need money not only to fulfil our needs

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

for progress and advancement. The source of earning may be any, whether job, business

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

trade etc. As far as the question of

celebrities

is concerned, they are making

a huge amounts

Correct the article-noun agreement

huge amounts

a huge amount

show examples

of money in every aspect of life,

on the other hand

doctors

and

teachers

are struggling to fulfil

living

Correct pronoun usage

their living

show examples

end. I am in favour of

teachers

' and

doctors

' pay rises

instead

celebrities

Celebrities

are the people we admire the most but their real talent is their charismatic look or voice mostly.

On the other hand

, the real heroes are

doctors

and

teachers

with whom we interact most in our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Teachers

play a vital role in the growth of society, by educating the youth of the country and

doctors

save during bad

time

Fix the agreement mistake

times

show examples

Celebrities

are there only in good time to entertain us. So, I think

teachers

and

docter

Correct your spelling

doctors

are more important than

celebrities

. To become a

Fix the agreement mistake

celebrity

show examples

celebrities

Fix the agreement mistake

celebrity

show examples

not any

Rephrase

show examples

hard work

required

Add a missing verb

is required

show examples

one

born with luck becomes a celebrity.

On the other hand

, to become a teacher and doctor

one

needs to study day and night and

also

sacrifice some family gatherings to keep focused on the goal. So, it is the

government

Change noun form

government's

show examples

job to give them sufficient salary. As we discussed above

one

conclude that if

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

gives high salaries to

doctors

and

teachers

then

more students will try to become

one

This

can make everyone's life easy compared to

celebrities

' salary

rise

Fix the agreement mistake

rises

show examples

can push most of the youth toward becoming

celebrities

that will not make any sense in the end.

Submitted by 13simran1990 on Sun Dec 24 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

For task achievement, ensure you address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. The essay did not fully develop an argument for both views outlined in the question. Make sure to present and explore both sides equally before providing your personal opinion.

Coherence & Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, work on structuring your essay with clear paragraphs, each containing a central idea with supporting sentences. Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas across the essay. Logical progression was at times unclear, making the argument difficult to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

remuneration
public funds
essential services
infrastructure
economic contribution
public sector
private sector
high-profile
charismatic
lifesaving procedures
intellectual development

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
In numerous countries, the average human lifespan is expanding, resulting in an increasingly ageing population. This essay critically evaluates the advantages and disadvantages of this demographic shift and contends that, despite some benefits, the drawbacks of an ageing population are more substantial.
5.5
band
In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?
These days, the figure of athletes is increasing and all of them like to win the events, which is the number of people who play professional sports that are using banned substances to improve their performance. In this essay, we will discuss the main reasons that athletes have been using these kinds of materials and propose some possible solutions to avoid them.
7
band
With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?
It is said that individuals should look for places where sources of oil and gas can be found, since more and more of them are needed. This essay would argue that despite these products can lead to an industrial revolution, they also cause environmental damage, which means that the advantages do not outweigh the drawbacks.
6
band
Cashless transaction order of the day most of the time people prefer using plastic cash do you think this is trend will be useful for the society.
Nowadays, with the development of technology, people tend to use cards and plastic cash for their transactions and using paper money is deprecated. In my point of view, it is a positive change in society. This approach prevents the spreading of epidemic diseases caused by touching paper money, makes the tracking of the spent money easier and helps society through taxation.
6
band
If all workers in a company were paid exact same wage regardless of job role there would be much more harmony and cooperation between staff. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
If all employees in a company had the same salary, no matter what their role was, there would be much more harmony and cooperation between them. My opinion will disagree completely with the essay because the goal will not be achieved and the opposite will happen.

Some people think that government should give high salary to the celebrities but others think that it should be provided to doctors and teachers discuss both views and give ur views

Fully explain your ideas

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?

Cashless transaction order of the day most of the time people prefer using plastic cash do you think this is trend will be useful for the society.

If all workers in a company were paid exact same wage regardless of job role there would be much more harmony and cooperation between staff. To what extent do you agree or disagree?