In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #case #situation

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For several years,

people

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have thought that owning a

house

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is much better than renting one. Evidently,

this

Linking Words

is an idea that

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

sticked

Correct your spelling

stuck

show examples

with

people

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for decades and that has been linked to a normative deeply inserted in society, strictly related to the individuals' stability and social position.

Above all

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, I think

this

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conception can be negative for

people

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's freedom of

decision making

Add a hyphen

decision-making

show examples

.Now,

this

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essay intends to explain the reasons for

this

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case.

First,

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thinking that having a

house

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of your own is related by many to status. Naturally, purchasing a

house

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or apartment involves big amounts of money, which is not something the average citizen accounts for today. Especially now that the world is facing a housing crisis, prices have skyrocketed which makes it even harder for members of society to get their own property.

Hence

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, buying a property has become a symbol of money and status in today's society.

Secondly

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, living under your own roof provides a sense of stability. Those who own their own places know that, in the case of unexpected events

such

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as economic

crisis

Fix the agreement mistake

crises

show examples

or losing their jobs, they at least know they will not become homeless.

For example

Linking Words

, there

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

been several major economic

crisis

Change to a plural noun

crises

show examples

in the

last

Linking Words

decades, namely the one in 2008, which involved many

people

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being fired.

Consequently

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, they were not able to pay rent,

thus

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ending living on the streets.

Conversely

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, that was not a problem for those who own their own home. In conclusion, owning a property is an idea that proclaims to provide an image of status and a sense of stability.

Nevertheless

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, I believe it is a conception that has stopped many

people

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from doing what they

trully

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truly

want,

for example

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saving for

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

or buying things they desire

instead

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of saving in order to buy a

house

Use synonyms

Submitted by tamaracheroki on Sun Dec 24 2023

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task achievement

Your essay introduction lacks a clear thesis statement, which should indicate the direct answer to the question posed, and provide a brief overview of what the essay will cover. This is essential to guide the reader.

task achievement

The body paragraphs need to be more focused on supporting the main points with clear and specific examples, which are currently generic. Your argumentation would benefit from more detailed illustrations of points made.

task achievement

The conclusion should succinctly summarize the essay's main points and restate your position, reinforcing the central argument. It currently reads as an opinion statement without directly tying back to the points discussed.

coherence cohesion

Develop a clearer logical structure, using topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence to link back to the overall essay question.

coherence cohesion

Use cohesive devices effectively to show relationships between ideas and ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Some ideas appear abruptly without clear logical connectors.

coherence cohesion

Review the essay for typographical and spelling errors such as 'trully' which should be 'truly'. Attention to such details is critical.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

303 words

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In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Many university students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others feel it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification.

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones?

It is common that in many companies people from different ages work together in a same team. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantges?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some cultures appear to give preference to older people than younger people while other cultures seem to prefer the younger generation. Which do you think is better? Discuss including examples from your own knowledge and experience.