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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Consumption of fastfood in Britain from 1970 to 1990

#consumption #fastfood #britain
The line graph illustrates
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
over-all
Correct your spelling
overall
show examples
consumption
 of
fastfoods
Correct your spelling
fast foods
 like
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
,
fish
 and
chips
,
pizza
Correct word choice
and pizza
show examples
 in Britain from 1970 to 1990.
Overall
, the
consumption
 of
fish
 and
chips
 was higher than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two of them which are
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 and
pizza
. From three of
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
pizza
consumption
 was lower than others. By analysing the given data, between the two
decade
Change to a plural noun
decades
show examples
 from 1970 to 1990, the
fish
 and
chips
consumption
 growth became gradual between 1970 to 1989,
then
 suddenly it
grown
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 in the peak trend as same as
hamburger
consumption
 became constantly grown during the time period 1970 to 1985 .
then
, it dramatically increased in
consumption
. On the flip side,
pizza
consumption
gone
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 from 300
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 in 1970 to 200
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 in 1990, there was a huge dip in
consumption
 value. In a nutshell, the highest
consumption
 value was attained by
fish
 and
chips
about
Change preposition
at
show examples
 approximately 400 grams followed by
hamburger
consumption
 at approximately 300 grams. On the opposite side, the lowest
consumption
 value was attached by
pizza
 about approximately 200 grams.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, which makes it difficult to follow. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the other.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are essential parts of a well-structured essay. A clear introduction sets the context and outlines the main points, while a conclusion summarizes the points made. Both were not effectively utilized in this essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points need to be supported by specific data or examples from the graph. Aim to include these details to substantiate the statements made.
task achievement
It is crucial to fully address the prompt by reporting on the data from the line graph for the full period from 1970 to 1990. Be sure to cover all points in detail.
task achievement
Ideas were not communicated clearly and comprehensively. Strive for clarity in expression and ensure that each point is developed with adequate explanation and detail.
task achievement
Examples that are relevant and specific to the data set provided are needed to achieve a high score in task response. Incorporate these examples to create a strong, well-supported essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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