Some people think the manufactures and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some people believe that packaged
products
should controlled by producers
. However
, others consume
that Verb problem
believe
this
is one of the important society
Replace the word
societal
burden
Change to a plural noun
burdens
by
buying less and simple packaging. Change preposition
of
This
essay will discuss both sides of the discussion and reach the
conclusion.
On the one hand, those who support packaged Correct article usage
a
products
should controlled by producers
promote
the idea that Fix the infinitive
to promote
manufactures
use extreme packaging to make them attractive. By Replace the word
manufacturers
this
we mean thatAdd a comma
this,
,
Remove the comma
apply
this
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
buy
more Wrong verb form
buying
their
Change preposition
of their
products
by customers and this
can be dangerous for Correct article usage
the environmental
environmental
. Replace the word
environment
For example
, folk by
buying excessive Change preposition
apply
products
can make numerous
garbage which can be harmful Correct word choice
apply
for
Change the preposition
to
Correct article usage
the environmental
environmental
because it can not be retrievable. Replace the word
environment
Furthermore
, the number of packaging create
by deforestation. Logging trees can Change the form of the verb
created
be increase
pollution levels. Change the verb form
increase
For instance
, some manufactures
produce Correct your spelling
manufacturers
product
that create by Fix the agreement mistake
products
papers
. Fix the agreement mistake
paper
This
lead
to logging a lot of trees which can not be eco-friendly.
The other side of Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
this
debate that
Add a missing verb
is that
manufactures
can not singly Replace the word
manufacturers
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
on
Change preposition
apply
this
issue. At first,
people often want to buy products
with high quality by good packaging. By this
we mean thatAdd a comma
this,
,
Remove the comma
apply
this
issue lead
to Change the verb form
leads
producers
make
Wrong verb form
making
products
which can be create
global warming. Change the verb form
create
Example
can be seenAdd an article
An example
The example
,
when people buy Remove the comma
apply
products
which can damage the ecology, producers
not to
consider the catastrophe that Fix the infinitive
apply
happen
in Wrong verb form
is happening
Correct article usage
the environmental
environmental
and they just want to sell their Replace the word
environment
products
. Second,
folk by buying more packaging that does
not environmentally sustainable, encourage Verb problem
is
producers
to produce more and more products
that can be
imperil biodiversity. Unnecessary verb
apply
For example
, some products
produce
in difficult Wrong verb form
are produced
situation
that can Fix the agreement mistake
situations
be disrupt
living species.
In conclusion, excessive packaging hurts the Change the verb form
disrupt
environmental
. Replace the word
environment
However
, in my opinion, this
is not something that only
dependent on Add a missing verb
is only
manufactures
. Consumers Correct your spelling
manufacturers
also
should use minimal and less packaging.Submitted by TUTOO on
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introduction and conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion that neatly bookend the discussion. The introduction should clearly state the issue and the writer's intention to discuss both views before presenting an opinion. The conclusion should summarize the key points made and restate the writer's opinion for clarity.
supported main points
Main points should be better supported by clear and specific examples. While attempts are made to illustrate points with examples, these are often too vague or general and don't effectively demonstrate the argument.
complete response
The response needs to fully address the prompt by discussing the views with equitable detail and providing a clear personal opinion. The personal opinion is mentioned, but it lacks depth and full integration into the overall discussion of the topic.
clear and comprehensive ideas
Ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. The essay often contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that hinder clear communication. Practice developing ideas fully with correct grammar and varied sentence structures for better clarity.
logical structure
The coherence of the essay can be improved by creating a more logical structure that clearly distinguishes between paragraphs and ideas. Use conjunctions and topic sentences effectively to guide the reader through the argument.
cohesion
More care should be taken to use cohesive devices correctly to improve the flow of the essay. While some linking words are used, the overall coherence is negatively impacted by some misapplications and repetitive structures.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?