Some people think the manufactures and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that packaged
products
should controlled by
producers
.
However
, others
consume
Verb problem
believe
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that
this
is one of the important
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
burden
Change to a plural noun
burdens
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
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buying less and simple packaging.
This
essay will discuss both sides of the discussion and reach
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
conclusion. On the one hand, those who support packaged
products
should controlled by
producers
promote
Fix the infinitive
to promote
show examples
the idea that
manufactures
Replace the word
manufacturers
show examples
use extreme packaging to make them attractive. By
this
Add a comma
this,
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we mean that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
more
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
products
by customers and
this
can be dangerous for
Correct article usage
the environmental
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environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
.
For example
, folk
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying excessive
products
can make
numerous
Correct word choice
apply
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garbage which can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the environmental
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environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
because it can not be retrievable.
Furthermore
, the number of packaging
create
Change the form of the verb
created
show examples
by deforestation. Logging trees can
be increase
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
pollution levels.
For instance
, some
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
produce
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
that create by
papers
Fix the agreement mistake
paper
show examples
.
This
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to logging a lot of trees which can not be eco-friendly. The other side of
this
debate
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
manufactures
Replace the word
manufacturers
show examples
can not singly
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
issue. At
first,
people often want to buy
products
with high quality by good packaging. By
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
we mean that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
issue
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
to
producers
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
products
which can
be create
Change the verb form
create
show examples
global warming.
Example
Add an article
An example
The example
show examples
can be seen
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when people buy
products
which can damage the ecology,
producers
not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
consider the catastrophe that
happen
Wrong verb form
is happening
show examples
in
Correct article usage
the environmental
show examples
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
and they just want to sell their
products
.
Second,
folk by buying more packaging that
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
not environmentally sustainable, encourage
producers
to produce more and more
products
that can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
imperil biodiversity.
For example
, some
products
produce
Wrong verb form
are produced
show examples
in difficult
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
that can
be disrupt
Change the verb form
disrupt
show examples
living species. In conclusion, excessive packaging hurts the
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
.
However
, in my opinion,
this
is not something that
only
Add a missing verb
is only
show examples
dependent on
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
. Consumers
also
should use minimal and less packaging.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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introduction and conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion that neatly bookend the discussion. The introduction should clearly state the issue and the writer's intention to discuss both views before presenting an opinion. The conclusion should summarize the key points made and restate the writer's opinion for clarity.
supported main points
Main points should be better supported by clear and specific examples. While attempts are made to illustrate points with examples, these are often too vague or general and don't effectively demonstrate the argument.
complete response
The response needs to fully address the prompt by discussing the views with equitable detail and providing a clear personal opinion. The personal opinion is mentioned, but it lacks depth and full integration into the overall discussion of the topic.
clear and comprehensive ideas
Ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. The essay often contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that hinder clear communication. Practice developing ideas fully with correct grammar and varied sentence structures for better clarity.
logical structure
The coherence of the essay can be improved by creating a more logical structure that clearly distinguishes between paragraphs and ideas. Use conjunctions and topic sentences effectively to guide the reader through the argument.
cohesion
More care should be taken to use cohesive devices correctly to improve the flow of the essay. While some linking words are used, the overall coherence is negatively impacted by some misapplications and repetitive structures.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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