Some people think the manufactures and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #malls #products #responsibility

Some people believe that packaged

products

should controlled by

producers

However

, others

consume

Verb problem

believe

show examples

that

this

is one of the important

society

Replace the word

societal

show examples

burden

Change to a plural noun

burdens

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

buying less and simple packaging.

This

essay will discuss both sides of the discussion and reach

the

Correct article usage

show examples

conclusion. On the one hand, those who support packaged

products

should controlled by

producers

promote

Fix the infinitive

to promote

show examples

the idea that

manufactures

Replace the word

manufacturers

show examples

use extreme packaging to make them attractive. By

this

Add a comma

this,

show examples

we mean that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

this

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

buy

Wrong verb form

buying

show examples

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

products

by customers and

this

can be dangerous for

Correct article usage

the environmental

show examples

environmental

Replace the word

environment

show examples

For example

, folk

Change preposition

apply

show examples

buying excessive

products

can make

numerous

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

garbage which can be harmful

for

Change the preposition

show examples

Correct article usage

the environmental

show examples

environmental

Replace the word

environment

show examples

because it can not be retrievable.

Furthermore

, the number of packaging

create

Change the form of the verb

created

show examples

by deforestation. Logging trees can

be increase

Change the verb form

increase

show examples

pollution levels.

For instance

, some

manufactures

Correct your spelling

manufacturers

show examples

produce

product

Fix the agreement mistake

products

show examples

that create by

papers

Fix the agreement mistake

paper

show examples

This

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

to logging a lot of trees which can not be eco-friendly. The other side of

this

debate

that

Add a missing verb

is that

show examples

manufactures

Replace the word

manufacturers

show examples

can not singly

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

issue. At

first,

people often want to buy

products

with high quality by good packaging. By

this

Add a comma

this,

show examples

we mean that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

this

issue

lead

Change the verb form

leads

show examples

producers

make

Wrong verb form

making

show examples

products

which can

be create

Change the verb form

create

show examples

global warming.

Example

Add an article

An example

The example

show examples

can be seen

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

when people buy

products

which can damage the ecology,

producers

not

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

consider the catastrophe that

happen

Wrong verb form

is happening

show examples

Correct article usage

the environmental

show examples

environmental

Replace the word

environment

show examples

and they just want to sell their

products

Second,

folk by buying more packaging that

does

Verb problem

show examples

not environmentally sustainable, encourage

producers

to produce more and more

products

that can

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

imperil biodiversity.

For example

, some

products

produce

Wrong verb form

are produced

show examples

in difficult

situation

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

show examples

that can

be disrupt

Change the verb form

disrupt

show examples

living species. In conclusion, excessive packaging hurts the

environmental

Replace the word

environment

show examples

However

, in my opinion,

this

is not something that

only

Add a missing verb

is only

show examples

dependent on

manufactures

Correct your spelling

manufacturers

show examples

. Consumers

also

should use minimal and less packaging.

Submitted by TUTOO on Sun Dec 24 2023

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introduction and conclusion

The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion that neatly bookend the discussion. The introduction should clearly state the issue and the writer's intention to discuss both views before presenting an opinion. The conclusion should summarize the key points made and restate the writer's opinion for clarity.

supported main points

Main points should be better supported by clear and specific examples. While attempts are made to illustrate points with examples, these are often too vague or general and don't effectively demonstrate the argument.

complete response

The response needs to fully address the prompt by discussing the views with equitable detail and providing a clear personal opinion. The personal opinion is mentioned, but it lacks depth and full integration into the overall discussion of the topic.

clear and comprehensive ideas

Ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. The essay often contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that hinder clear communication. Practice developing ideas fully with correct grammar and varied sentence structures for better clarity.

logical structure

The coherence of the essay can be improved by creating a more logical structure that clearly distinguishes between paragraphs and ideas. Use conjunctions and topic sentences effectively to guide the reader through the argument.

cohesion

More care should be taken to use cohesive devices correctly to improve the flow of the essay. While some linking words are used, the overall coherence is negatively impacted by some misapplications and repetitive structures.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
48Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

292 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think the manufactures and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

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