It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#factors #child #development #media #pop #culture #friends #point #role

Reguullary

Correct your spelling

Regularly

in the contemporary era ,some people have a notion that

chidrens

Correct your spelling

children

improvement is influenced by

acces

Correct your spelling

access

magezing

Correct your spelling

magazine

magazines

community

Add an article

a community

show examples

foundation and relationship with beneficial

individulas

Correct your spelling

individuals

while

other the group say that family

enviroment

Correct your spelling

environment

prime reflected on

childrens

Change to a genitive case

children's

show examples

growth.

besid

Correct your spelling

beside

to both side have an

egually

Correct your spelling

equally

compelling argument , we discuss

reder

Change the word

redder

show examples

oponions

Correct your spelling

opinions

each of group. on the one hand .in the modern

world

Add a comma

world,

show examples

the majority of

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

children's

spending

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

a lot of time on

internet

Add an article

the internet

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

smart mobile or

tablet

Fix the agreement mistake

tablets

show examples

and other technology. Indeed access to advanced equipment causes increases

childrens

Change noun form

children's

show examples

knowledge ,

also

they can

communicated

Change the form of the verb

communicate

show examples

with other

freinds

Correct your spelling

friends

Change preposition

through

show examples

social media ,

for example

in the period corona virus epidemic

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

were probability

participate

Fix the infinitive

to participate

show examples

in classes through

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

online application .

As well as

Correct article usage

the opproach

show examples

opproach

Correct your spelling

approach

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

end up to develop

creativ

Correct your spelling

creative

youth decides and

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

their to

gathering

Change the verb form

gather

show examples

information about

diffrent culthures fot

Correct your spelling

different cultures for

better

choice

Fix the agreement mistake

choices

show examples

for lifestyle,

such

as Uerop

culther

Correct your spelling

culture

how

make

Add the particle

to make

show examples

Change the article

show examples

adequate lifestyle and change their

attiude

Correct your spelling

attitude

about

futher

Correct your spelling

further

.have a suitable

puplis

Correct your spelling

pupils

inside everyone can prevent of

hazars

Correct your spelling

hazards

hazard

,As

intnce

Correct your spelling

intense

can say

eescue

Correct your spelling

rescue

assumotion

Correct your spelling

assumption

assumptions

that

thaeir

Correct your spelling

their

work.

By contrast

others

agrue

Correct your spelling

argue

agree

that family has significant role regarded

main

Change the article

the main

show examples

cornerstone for

betterment

Add an article

the betterment

show examples

or learn betterment

skils

Correct your spelling

skills

show examples

.They always try to make

right

Add an article

the right

show examples

choice for

child

Correct article usage

the child

show examples

that

mantion

Correct your spelling

mention

mansion

due

their

Change preposition

to their

show examples

experience.Parents have

responsibility

Correct article usage

a responsibility

show examples

reader to

futhure

Correct your spelling

foster

children.

for

Capitalize word

For

show examples

exapmle

Correct your spelling

example

iran

Change the capitalization

Iran

show examples

most

family

Change to a plural noun

families

show examples

want for comfortable and safely their life and

improve

Fix the infinitive

to improve

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

education to bring high

quailty

Correct your spelling

high-quality

country for immigration .

overall

,it

seen

Verb problem

show examples

advisable that access to

internet

Add an article

the internet

show examples

for children to be family take care that avoid

Change preposition

apply

show examples

undersirable

Correct your spelling

undesirable

Correct your spelling

experience

experince

Correct your spelling

experiences

and they can

will

Remove a modal verb

apply

show examples

perfect

Change the word

perfectly

show examples

use

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

Submitted by TUTOO on Sun Dec 24 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a coherent structure, which makes it difficult to follow your arguments. Please ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs with specific main points, and a conclusion. Use cohesive devices to link your ideas logically.

task achievement

You have attempted to address the prompt, but the response is incomplete, and ideas are not fully developed. Include a clear opinion in the introduction, develop each view with specific reasons and examples, and provide a conclusion with your opinion summarised and restated.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS writing?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
70Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

269 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

influence
development
media
pop culture
peers
family
social skills
beliefs
values
emotional support
moral guidance
aspirations
self-image
social development
value system
harmony
conflict
significant
behaviors

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
In many countries today,parents are able to choose to send their children to single sex schools or co educational schools. Some people think that children going to to single sex schools have disadvantages latter in life. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
In this modern world, selecting an accurate place for education is a matter of concern. Whether to select a same sex insitute or both gender netural places is a decision of caregivers in many nations. However, many notions opine that deciding a single sex schools leads to many hurdles in the life of childrens' when they went to colleges and workplaces. I also concur with this phenomenon.
5.5
band
Young adults are now choosing to wait until later in life, often until they are in their 30s, to settle down and get married. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
In modern life getting married in the 20s becomes something rarely happens. some people hold an idea that nowadays generations should wait until they are in their 30s, to settle down and get married. Whereas others hold the opposite opinion that getting married early is much better. Personally, I agree with the first opinion that getting married when you are ready and settled down, probably, in your 30s. In this essay I will shed light on the advantages and disadvantages of this to support my view as well.
7
band
Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is true that many individuals believe that participating in team sports such as football brings more positive impacts, whereas others claim that it is better to join in individual sports like tennis. Despite a source of controversy involved in this field, I am far more convinced that playing in teams is more beneficial.
4.5
band
Due to globalization, many countries lose their traditions and national values. Some people think it is the responsibility of governments to protect these values. Do you agree or disagree?
In this neoliberal era, people tend to get influenced by the globe, where some native cultures and practices have been deceased, due to the influences of Western culture and swifts the ideology of cultural practices for the younger generations. I personally understand that the ritual practice is the efforts of the community, and supports from the government are remained needed. In the following paragraph, I will delve into this subject with examples by demonstrating my standpoint.
4.5
band
Because many children are not able to learn foreign languages, schools should not force them to learn foreign languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many schools require young students to learn foreign language. Some people believe that it is beneficial to them, while this essay agrees that children should not be forced to learn non-local languages. The reasons are two-fold.

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

In many countries today,parents are able to choose to send their children to single sex schools or co educational schools. Some people think that children going to to single sex schools have disadvantages latter in life. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Young adults are now choosing to wait until later in life, often until they are in their 30s, to settle down and get married. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Due to globalization, many countries lose their traditions and national values. Some people think it is the responsibility of governments to protect these values. Do you agree or disagree?

Because many children are not able to learn foreign languages, schools should not force them to learn foreign languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?