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Writing Samples
Band 7

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#factors #child #development #media #pop #culture #friends #point #role
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Regularly in the contemporary era, some people have a notion that
children’s
 improvement is influenced by access to different types of media like magazines, community foundations and relationships with buddies and friends. At the same time, another group asserts that family environment has a prime reflection on
children’s
 growth. The essay will introduce both arguments and reach a conclusion. on the one hand, in the modern world, the majority of children spend a lot of time on the internet by smart mobile or tablet and other technology. Indeed access to advanced equipment causes youngsters to get familiar with new aspects of life which can influence their lives.
in addition
, pop culture increases
children’s
 knowledge,
also
 they can communicate with other friends through social media and their peers could have a substantial impact on their thoughts and affect their lives. As the approach to the internet ends up developing creative youth decide and helps them to gather information about different cultures for better choices for lifestyle,
such
 as European culture how to make a proper lifestyle and change their attitude about the future.
By contrast
, others argue that family has a significant role regarded as the main cornerstone of the community and learning skills. Parents and other
children’s
 guardians always try to make the right choice for a child
due to
 their experience. Parents have responsibilities for their offspring to future children.
For example
, in Iran, most families desire to prepare for a comfortable and safe life and improve their
children’s
 education.
overall
, it seems advisable to assume that the internet and buddies put pressure on youngsters to choose their way of life
however
, many believe that families are cornerstones and they have big responsibilities.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Task Achievement
In terms of Task Achievement, your essay generally addresses the prompt, but to reach a higher band, it is key to make sure that all parts of the prompt are fully developed, with a clearer stance throughout and especially in the conclusion. Avoid ambiguity and strive to elaborate more comprehensively on both views as well as your own opinion, ensuring you explore these aspects in depth to demonstrate a wider understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, while your essay shows some organization, there's room for improvement in the logical flow and clarity of your ideas. Employ a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas across and within paragraphs. Ensure your introductory and concluding paragraphs are both succinct and reflective of the essay's content, creating a full circle in your argumentation. Use paragraphing effectively to encapsulate distinct ideas, and avoid structural repetition unless it adds meaningful emphasis or clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • media
  • pop culture
  • peers
  • family
  • social skills
  • beliefs
  • values
  • emotional support
  • moral guidance
  • aspirations
  • self-image
  • social development
  • value system
  • harmony
  • conflict
  • significant
  • behaviors
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