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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Despite better access to education, some adults are not able to read or write. What are the main disadvantages of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#access #education #adults
The table shows
sources
Correct article usage
the sources
show examples
 of income of the Police Budget in the period from 2017 to 2018. There are National Government. Local Taxes and Other sources (eg grants).
And round
Correct word choice
Round
show examples
 diagrams show categories of expenses in percentages for the same Budget. There are salaries, technology, buildings and transport. The main observation is an increase in
Police’s
Change noun form
Police
show examples
 sources.
Therefore
, each type of income
raised
Add a missing verb
was raised
show examples
 from 2017 to 2018.
Moreover
, the largest increase was in Local Taxes, from 91.2
million
 to 102.3
million
.
Hence
, the total amount of money went up from 304.7
million
 to 318.6
million
. Round diagrams have certain changes as well.
Therefore
,
Police’s
Correct article usage
the Police’s
show examples
 spending on salaries of officers and staff decreased by 6%,
exactly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
from 75% to 69%.
While
 technology expenses went up by the same percentage - 6% - from 8% to 14%. Speaking of spending on buildings and transport for Police,
this
 category stayed constant at the level of 17% throughout the year from 2017 to 2018.
Submitted by ddoiron on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are critical components of IELTS Writing Task 1. Remember to introduce the data briefly and summarize the main trends or changes at the end.
logical structure
The coherence of the essay needs improvement. Ensure that there's a logical flow of ideas from one sentence to the next and that paragraphs are well-structured and purposeful.
supported main points
Support your main points by clearly referencing the data. This could include comparing figures or describing trends in more detail to show a deeper analysis of the charts.
complete response
To fully respond to the task, you should include an overview that highlights the key features of both the table and the diagrams. Make sure you describe the main comparisons, trends, and differences between the two years.
clear comprehensive ideas
While you have provided a summary of the data, your ideas could be communicated more effectively. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all details are relevant to the topic. Use varied sentence structures and accurate vocabulary to convey your ideas more precisely.
relevant specific examples
When giving examples from the data, make sure they are relevant and illustrate the trends clearly. Compare data points where necessary to show actual changes rather than just stating the numbers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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