In many parts of the world there is continuous coverage of sports on television. Some believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sports themselves. Discuss the view and give your own opinion.

The
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
programs on television have been a moment in recent
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decades. Even though the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
programs had created more
entertaint
Correct your spelling
entertained
entertainment
by the producer, the teenagers won't
involving
Wrong verb form
be involved in
show examples
any kind of sport
due
Change preposition
because
show examples
to looks like a spectator
activity
.
This
essay will discuss why many children
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low motivation in a real
activity
.
Although
a football
program
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
a real match,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
that
program
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
designed to attract people.
Such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
psy
Correct your spelling
a
war during a big match between a big club.
That
is
Verb problem
involves
show examples
not only
involving
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the players but
also
Correct article usage
the supporter
show examples
supporter
Fix the agreement mistake
supporters
show examples
or the coach. Occasionally, the psywar
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
important than a real match.
Thus
, many fans
more
Add a missing verb
were more
show examples
satisfied
enjoy
Fix the infinitive
to enjoy
show examples
the psywar moment
among
Change preposition
at
show examples
that event and no more
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoyed
show examples
the match. With that moment the company will earn
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
profit
Change to a plural noun
profits
show examples
from many
entertaintments
Correct your spelling
entertainments
entertainment
. Televised sports potentially reinforce the idea of sports as a spectator
activity
, not a participatory one. The
program
should provide
spesific
Replace the word
a special
show examples
program
to show how
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
journey of a young
stars
Fix the agreement mistake
star
show examples
become a star in a club.
Such
as, Lionel Messi started a
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
as a junior player in Barcelona until
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
the
gratest
Correct your spelling
greatest
off
Change preposition
of
show examples
all
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
in football in recent decades. That
program
will encourage young people to love
a
Change the article
an
show examples
idol
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
love the
activity
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
the idol did
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Conclusion
Change preposition
In conclusion
show examples
, many
program
Change to a plural noun
programs
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
football
scedule
Correct your spelling
are
regularly on television but
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
only focus on console things.
Personaly
Correct your spelling
Personally
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
a real
athelete
Correct your spelling
athlete
in
Correct article usage
a particularly
show examples
particularly
Change the word
particular
show examples
field has a significant impact to
rise
Add the particle
rise to
show examples
motivate
Wrong verb form
motivating
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescent
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
activie
Correct your spelling
active
in exercise.
Submitted by syah.lian.ju on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure, making it difficult to follow your argument. The introduction should be more engaging and clearly state the issue as well as your thesis statement. The main body should be organized into clear paragraphs, each with a single idea that is well-developed and supported by examples. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the points made in the essay and restate your opinion.
task achievement
You need to fully address both parts of the task, discussing why some believe television discourages youth sports participation and giving your own opinion. Devote at least one paragraph to explaining each view point before presenting your opinion. Use specific examples and details to support your arguments. Your response should be complete and engage with the prompt directly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Continuous coverage
  • Discourage
  • Participation
  • Televised sports
  • Professional athletes
  • Intimidate
  • Motivate
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Spectator
  • Inspire
  • Educate
  • Visibility
  • Idols
  • Emulate
  • Personal triumph
  • Accessible
  • Facilities
  • Programs
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