IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Athletes in many countries are paid extremely high salaries. Some people believe that athletes deserve their high salaries, while others think that they are paid too much money.

Many professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 in a variety of sports are paid enormous salaries. Many people argue that they earn these huge salaries,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree that they are paid far too much. I agree that
athletes
Use synonyms
 deserve to receive
such
Linking Words
 large salaries. Professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 train their whole lives for what
amount
Correct subject-verb agreement
amounts
show examples
 to relatively short careers.
While
Linking Words
 some basketball players have played professionally for over 20 years, the average player only lasts about 4 to 5 seasons. It is
therefore
Linking Words
 agreed that these
athletes
Use synonyms
 have earned the high paychecks they receive.
For example
Linking Words
, a basketball player could train and play competitively from elementary school through university only to have an injury end their career during their first professional season. Any kind of career that requires that kind of dedication and entails
such
Linking Words
 risk deserves high reimbursement.
However
Linking Words
, many disagree that professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 deserve to receive
such
Linking Words
 high paychecks. The current minimum salary in Major League
baseball
Capitalize word
Baseball
show examples
 was recently raised to $600,000 dollars.
Although
Linking Words
 it is difficult to argue that star players do not earn their pay,
team
Use synonyms
members
Use synonyms
 who only play in a few games a year should not receive
such
Linking Words
 large paychecks. That being said, star
athletes
Use synonyms
 are valuable
members
Use synonyms
 of a
team
Use synonyms
, but they cannot win games on their own. Even the players who sit on the bench most of the season have to stay in prime physical condition and be ready to play at a moment's notice. Since all
team
Use synonyms
members
Use synonyms
 are needed for success, they should all be paid well. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some people believe that professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 earn
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
huge incomes, others feel that they are massively overpaid.
However
Linking Words
, as long as we consider the training and risks that all
athletes
Use synonyms
 endure, and acknowledge the value of all
team
Use synonyms
members
Use synonyms
, the reasons for paying all
athletes
Use synonyms
 well are easy to understand.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response, but there is room for development in terms of complexity and depth. Make sure to elaborate on points with a wider range of ideas and views.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that paragraphs logically flow from one to the next with a clear progression of ideas. Use a variety of cohesive devices and topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: