IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people from rural areas moving to the cities. What problem can this cause? What can be solutions?

#people #areas #cities
Nowadays
people
 can move where
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 want, so a lot of them prefer to move
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from village to megapolis,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 causes
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one big problem called overcrowding. But
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can increase
taxes
 for immigrants to build extra buildings and to
expansion
Replace the word
expand
show examples
 territories from outside of
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
. As it is obvious from worlddata.com
cities
 have issues with overpopulation, because of migrants from rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. If we compare big
cities
 and villages, the latter already has
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 population and the former does not
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
. Because of low level of
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
a proportion
show examples
 of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
For example
, Kazakhstan statements
show
Verb problem
apply
show examples
show that Almaty is overcrowded because it existed
from
Change preposition
since
show examples
17
Correct article usage
the 17
show examples
 century and
people
 almost lived there before
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
near
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 city
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
village
Add an article
a village
show examples
 named Esik where
people
 started living in
19
Correct your spelling
the 19th
 century and it is not increasing in count of citizens
However
, politicians can save us from overpopulation
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 if
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 increase
taxes
 for movers and add to
cities
new
Correct word choice
and new
show examples
 territories to build.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should control count of migrants and by increasing
taxes
 build new buildings
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their money. Because It will get rid of future problems for a
while
.
For example
,
Israel
Correct article usage
the Israel
show examples
government
 make cash for high scrapers from
people
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 are moved into Israel, skating
by
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they found
solution
Add an article
a solution
show examples
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 overcrowding. In conclusion,
people
 who want to move on from rural areas into
cities
 can
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 trouble for city by making
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
overcrowding
Wrong verb form
overcrowded
show examples
 place and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can solve
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 by adding
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
migrants extra
taxes
 and
conquering
Verb problem
creating
show examples
 new grounds to build
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
buildings
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure which is essential for the reader to follow the argument easily. Consider creating well-defined paragraphs, starting with an introduction that presents the topic, followed by body paragraphs that each deal with one aspect of the issues and solutions, and finally a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main ideas more fully by explaining them in depth and adding supporting details. It will be beneficial to expand on the points made, using more sophisticated sentence forms and clearer argumentation.
task achievement
In addressing the task, the response needs to be more complete. Make sure to cover all parts of the question, providing a balance between discussing problems caused by rural to urban migration and proposing solutions. Each aspect should be explored and backed up by specific examples or data.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to illustrate the points made. The examples provided are unclear or inadequately explained. Strengthen your arguments by providing clear, relevant, and specific examples that support your ideas.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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