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Writing Samples /
Band 4

To get a good job today it is more important for children to study mathematics and foreign languages than art and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#job #children #study #mathematics #languages #art #music
Diogenes rightly
remarked
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remarked,
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 "The foundation of every state is the education of its youth". Today, because of technological revolutions and
globalzation
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globalisation
, there has been a huge diversification in the sources, syllabi, modes and
requirement
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requirements
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 of educational institutions at various levels whether primary, secondary or tertiary. Mathematics and foreign languages are more important than art and music. Mathematics is the branch of science. So, science in
foreign
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a foreign
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 language
is
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apply
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makes more sense.
Particullarly
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Particularly
, In
language
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the language
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 of the country where most he science development happens the most. That can help to get
job
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a job
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 in that country. ao the other hand,
Submitted by 13simran1990 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, with ideas presented in a disjointed manner. Improve by creating an outline with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, ensuring each paragraph flows logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are necessary to frame your argument and signal its beginning and end to the reader. Ensure your essay has a clear introductory paragraph that presents the topic and your thesis, as well as a concluding paragraph that summarizes your main points and restates your position.
coherence cohesion
Main points made within the essay need to be supported with detailed explanation and relevant examples. Avoid making broad or vague statements without backing them up with specific details.
task achievement
The response only partially completes the task. Develop each point thoroughly and stay focused on the prompt's subject throughout the essay to ensure a complete response.
task achievement
Aim to present clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring each is fully developed and elaborated upon. This involves explaining the significance of each idea and how it relates to the question posed. Avoid superficial treatment of the subject.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. These can be drawn from historical events, current affairs, your own experiences, or hypothetical situations, but they must relate directly to the question and support the arguments you are making.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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