To get a good job today it is more important for children to study mathematics and foreign languages than art and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#job #children #study #mathematics #languages #art #music

Diogenes rightly

remarked

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remarked,

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"The foundation of every state is the education of its youth". Today, because of technological revolutions and

globalzation

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globalisation

, there has been a huge diversification in the sources, syllabi, modes and

requirement

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requirements

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of educational institutions at various levels whether primary, secondary or tertiary. Mathematics and foreign languages are more important than art and music. Mathematics is the branch of science. So, science in

foreign

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a foreign

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language

Unnecessary verb

apply

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makes more sense.

Particullarly

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Particularly

, In

language

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the language

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of the country where most he science development happens the most. That can help to get

job

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a job

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in that country. ao the other hand,

Submitted by 13simran1990 on Mon Dec 25 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, with ideas presented in a disjointed manner. Improve by creating an outline with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, ensuring each paragraph flows logically to the next.

coherence cohesion

An introduction and conclusion are necessary to frame your argument and signal its beginning and end to the reader. Ensure your essay has a clear introductory paragraph that presents the topic and your thesis, as well as a concluding paragraph that summarizes your main points and restates your position.

coherence cohesion

Main points made within the essay need to be supported with detailed explanation and relevant examples. Avoid making broad or vague statements without backing them up with specific details.

task achievement

The response only partially completes the task. Develop each point thoroughly and stay focused on the prompt's subject throughout the essay to ensure a complete response.

task achievement

Aim to present clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring each is fully developed and elaborated upon. This involves explaining the significance of each idea and how it relates to the question posed. Avoid superficial treatment of the subject.

task achievement

Use relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. These can be drawn from historical events, current affairs, your own experiences, or hypothetical situations, but they must relate directly to the question and support the arguments you are making.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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0Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

2 paragraphs

98 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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To get a good job today it is more important for children to study mathematics and foreign languages than art and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do you think the disadvantages of the private health care outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations?

Buying things on the internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?