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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities
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The bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea buying and drinking in five
region
Change to a plural noun
regions
show examples
 in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, in all regions, going to a café had the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 except in
Adelaide
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, all countries had the same pattern in using
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea except
Adelaide
Use synonyms
. In terms of buying fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
, Melbourne and Sydney had the biggest
percentage
Use synonyms
, with about 64% and 61% respectively
while
Linking Words
 Brisbane and
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 had the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
, with both nearly 35% which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is about 4% less than Hobart. In terms of buying instant
coffee
Use synonyms
, in Brisbane and Hobart, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 was over 50% and the
percentage
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 of the rest of
cities
Correct article usage
the cities
show examples
 was under 50%.
Also
Linking Words
, Sydney was the lowest, with 46%. In Sydney, Melbourne and Hobart, over 60% of people went to a café
while
Linking Words
 in Brisbane and
Adelaide
Use synonyms
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 was less, with 55% and 50% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, coffee, adelaide with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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