IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

•Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#•children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #children #parents
Finances play a vital role in the development of everyone. And it influences the way a
child
grow
Change the verb form
grows
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 up
prepare
Fix the infinitive
to prepare
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 to meet
future
challenges
. The opinion is that
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
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 who
raise
Wrong verb form
are raised
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 in families with limited
resources
 are better
to
Correct word choice
able to
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 deal
difficulties
Change preposition
with difficulties
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 in the
future
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
 from wealthy
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
However
, I strongly believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children from affluent
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 get better chances and are better prepared for
future
challenges
.
Firstly
, children from less affluent families may develop
Qualities
Correct article usage
the Qualities
show examples
 needed to be a mature person in
life
.
For instance
, growing up in a family with limited financial
resources
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 a resourcefulness and working hard ethics to
child
. They may develop
Correct article usage
a deep
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deep
Correct article usage
a deep
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 appreciation for hard work, and their experience could motivate them for
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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future
challenges
.
On the
Contrary
Fix capitalization
contrary
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,
this
 assumption would be incorrect that a
child
 from
affluent
Correct article usage
an affluent
show examples
 family cannot handle the adult problems or
challenges
 in
life
.
While
 it is true that a
child
 growing up in
affluent
Correct article usage
an affluent
show examples
 family could face the
challenges
 of privilege
such
 as they may have high pressure for success in events as they have access to
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of
resources
. The wealthy house may provide a better education
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
extracurricular activities and other
resources
 which may help to build a person who can handle easily
future
challenges
 in
life
.
To sum up
, the preparation of kids to deal with
future
challenges
 depends on various factors
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 to limited wealthy
resources
. Everyone’s personal characteristics,
experience
Correct word choice
and experience
show examples
 contribute to their ability to handle the
challenges
 in adult
life
.
Submitted by ranayogesh5050 on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas within the paragraphs are arranged logically. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include both an introduction and a conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your stance on the topic, and the conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with more specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments. Aim to provide at least one clear example per main point.
task achievement
Ensure the response completes the task by fully addressing the prompt's question. You should discuss both views to some extent, even if you have a strong opinion, to show a balanced consideration of the issue.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Work on expanding your explanation of each main point to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. The examples should be pertinent to the topic and should illustrate the point you are making in a concrete way.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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