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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many elderly people are no long er looked after by their families but are put in care home or nursing home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend

#people #families #care #home #trend
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Nowadays many elderly
people
ere
Correct your spelling
are
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 no longer looked after by their families but are put in
care
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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 or nursing
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
This
 essay
willdescribe
Correct your spelling
will describe
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of
this
 trend. One of its pros is
24/7
Correct article usage
a 24/7
show examples
 check. In
such
 places
nurces
Correct your spelling
nurses
 and doctors look after them
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 day and night, so if one elderly person feels sick or faints, there will be doctors, which can quickly help that individual. So from that
side
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side,
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 it's very safe for
such
people
be
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to be
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 there, because they know that they have
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 will rescue them even when their
childs
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children
show examples
 can't do it. But every good thing
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 side too, and
care
 homes have cons too.
For example
, the lack of loved ones around.
Although
 it is possible for friends and relatives to visit nursing
home
 residents, these visits can be infrequent, and loneliness is often the consequence. To make matters worse, it has been shown that those who are lonely are at greater risk of becoming depressed and having their immune system weakened.
Furthermore
,
care
home
 residents are often surrounded by illness and death.
Such
 an environment is likely to curtail happiness and trigger severe depression. In conclusion, I think even how great
care
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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 and nursing homes
weren't
Verb problem
are
show examples
, elderly
people
 should live at
home
 near
to
Change preposition
apply
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their children and friends.
Submitted by satkalialbina07 on

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structure
Ensure that you have a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should state the aim of the essay and outline the main points. Develop each main point in a separate paragraph within the body and provide a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed and restates your position.
accuracy
Always check for grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors. Using a wide range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures can help increase your score.
coherence
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to help the reader follow your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph are coherent and directly related to this main idea.
examples
Provide relevant, specific examples to support your main points. The examples should be well developed and directly linked to the points being made.
balanced response
Address both the advantages and the disadvantages equally and support them with clear, relevant examples. Explore each point more fully to satisfy the task requirement.
conclusion
While concluding, try to synthesize the information as opposed to restating it. Offer a thoughtful insight into the implications of the trend or a possible resolution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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