IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is believed that the main objective of
science
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 is to improve the quality of
people
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's lives,
while
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 others argue that
science
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 itself should only be perceived as a way to fulfil human curiosity.
This
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 essay strongly supports the former statement since there are two major reasons why
this
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 is the case.
Firstly
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,
science
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 is not only about human efforts to understand how the universe really works, but
also
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 it is beyond
than
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apply
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that.
For example
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, once doctors know the root cause of COVID-19, they can apply some concrete actions to prevent similar diseases from ever happening again in the future.
This
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will
Wrong verb form
would
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 be not possible without the role of
science
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.
In addition
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 to that, when the causes of
this
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 horrible virus can be understood well,
then
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 it will be a major achievement for humankind because
people
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 will not need to worry about the possibility of
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
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 spreading between human beings across the world.
Thus
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,
people
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 are becoming much more healthier and safer than ever before.
Secondly
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,
science
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 is
also
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 heavily used in the recent technologies that we rely on.
For instance
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, when we communicate with our friends from different countries, scientists and practitioners basically use a lot of mathematical formulas and physics knowledge embedded in the internet connection or signal to
propogate
Correct your spelling
propagate
 through
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
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 cable which is often installed deep below the sea surface. The implementation of using
science
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 in
this
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 case can make
people
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 feel connected even though they are separated by very distant locations.
Hence
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, the way humans communicate
to
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with
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 each other will
also
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 become easier. In conclusion, the use of
science
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 cannot be only for understanding the way nature behaves, but it
also
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 should be extended to improve
people
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's lives
due to
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 its great potential to make the world a better place.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that both the introduction and the conclusion are well-defined. Your essay lacked a clear conclusion that restated the purpose and summarised the main points. Be sure to include a concluding paragraph that wraps up your argument.
logical structure
Your essay demonstrates an ability to organize ideas but could benefit from clearer transitions and topic sentences. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next.
supported main points
Support main points with more detailed examples. Present specific details and evidence to strengthen your arguments, and ensure that your examples directly support your main points.
complete response
While you have addressed the task, the ideas could be more fully extended with clearer arguments and a more comprehensive explanation. Be sure to fully address all parts of the task and ensure clarity in your argumentation.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas, providing a more thorough explanation of each one. Your essay would benefit from more in-depth analysis and a clearer demonstration of how each point relates to the main thesis.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant examples to support your points. The examples provided could be more specific and detailed to effectively illustrate your arguments. Aim for precise evidence that directly ties into the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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