IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People these days watch TV, films and other programs alone rather than with other people. Do this advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #tv #films #programs
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the family spirit of watching different programs together
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 undergone a significant change
due to
Linking Words
plentifulness
Correct article usage
the plentifulness
show examples
 of targeted viewerships, promoting the culture of solo streaming services. I uphold the view that
this
Linking Words
 trend has more benefits than drawbacks. One salient advantage is that
people
Use synonyms
 with different interests in programs had to watch the same videos as previously there was no wide-ranging
content
Use synonyms
 available.
However
Linking Words
, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time went by,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new genres addressing
people
Use synonyms
 with different tastes were
also
Linking Words
 created in order to engage with more
audiances
Correct your spelling
audiences
. Consequentially, individuals can now stream whatever
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
content
Use synonyms
 type they relish without needing other
people
Use synonyms
 around.
For example
Linking Words
, in the past, every member of the family had to share the same TV and watch the same
content
Use synonyms
, leading to lively debates among viewers.
However
Linking Words
, with the prevalence of
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
, each individual now has access to an unlimited array of internet
content
Use synonyms
, encompassing films, documentaries, and series. The disadvantage of
this
Linking Words
 change is that it eliminated family movie days which used to be one of the most interesting family activities that connected members together.
In other words
Linking Words
,
rapid
Correct article usage
the rapid
show examples
 introduction of cell phones and
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 has made it possible for everyone to avoid movie nights. Undoubtedly,
this
Linking Words
 will eventually bring about misery and dissatisfaction with watching movies alone. To
illusrtate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
proven
Add a missing verb
are proven
show examples
 to be feel happier if they are surrounded by their dears
while
Linking Words
 going to a cinema. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there might be a pessimistic aspect to watching programs alone at times, I believe that everyone is entitled to consume the
content
Use synonyms
 of their choice.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the benefits
outshadow
Correct your spelling
overshadow
 its drawbacks.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a noticeable introduction and conclusion; however, there are instances where the transition between ideas could be smoother. You need to focus on creating paragraphs that logically flow from one to the other and use a wider range of cohesive devices effectively to improve your score.
task achievement
You addressed the task and provided your opinion, which is good. However, your ideas could be developed more fully and supported by stronger examples. To improve, expand your ideas further and include more relevant, specific examples to support your points and discuss the implications of the trends you are presenting, ensuring you cover both sides of the argument thoroughly.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: