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Writing Samples
Band 5

People these days watch TV, films and other programs alone rather than with other people. Do this advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, the family spirit of watching different programs together
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 undergone a significant change
due to
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plentifulness
Correct article usage
the plentifulness
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 of targeted viewerships, promoting the culture of solo streaming services. I uphold the view that
this
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 trend has more benefits than drawbacks. One salient advantage is that
people
Use synonyms
 with different interests in programs had to watch the same videos as previously there was no wide-ranging
content
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 available.
However
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, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time went by,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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new genres addressing
people
Use synonyms
 with different tastes were
also
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 created in order to engage with more
audiances
Correct your spelling
audiences
. Consequentially, individuals can now stream whatever
the
Correct article usage
apply
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content
Use synonyms
 type they relish without needing other
people
Use synonyms
 around.
For example
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, in the past, every member of the family had to share the same TV and watch the same
content
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, leading to lively debates among viewers.
However
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, with the prevalence of
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
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, each individual now has access to an unlimited array of internet
content
Use synonyms
, encompassing films, documentaries, and series. The disadvantage of
this
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 change is that it eliminated family movie days which used to be one of the most interesting family activities that connected members together.
In other words
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,
rapid
Correct article usage
the rapid
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 introduction of cell phones and
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 has made it possible for everyone to avoid movie nights. Undoubtedly,
this
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 will eventually bring about misery and dissatisfaction with watching movies alone. To
illusrtate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
proven
Add a missing verb
are proven
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 to be feel happier if they are surrounded by their dears
while
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 going to a cinema. In conclusion,
while
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 there might be a pessimistic aspect to watching programs alone at times, I believe that everyone is entitled to consume the
content
Use synonyms
 of their choice.
Therefore
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, the benefits
outshadow
Correct your spelling
overshadow
 its drawbacks.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a noticeable introduction and conclusion; however, there are instances where the transition between ideas could be smoother. You need to focus on creating paragraphs that logically flow from one to the other and use a wider range of cohesive devices effectively to improve your score.
task achievement
You addressed the task and provided your opinion, which is good. However, your ideas could be developed more fully and supported by stronger examples. To improve, expand your ideas further and include more relevant, specific examples to support your points and discuss the implications of the trends you are presenting, ensuring you cover both sides of the argument thoroughly.
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