IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it

#people #attention
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some individuals believe that advertising is quite successful
by
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in
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 attracting our attention to buying goods, other humans say that advertising has been really prevalent for a long
time
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 but it is no longer below us in our minds.
although
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 adverts are great ways to
persuad
Correct your spelling
persuade
 us because they work on some
things
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 that are unusual to get in the shop ,
however
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 in my opinion in the present
time
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 the effect of
advertisement
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advertisements
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will not continue in future
due to
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people
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 knowing all their
strategy
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strategies
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. on the one hand , advertising
it
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apply
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helps us to get our
things
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 in a short
time
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,
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apply
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since there are a lot of ways that vendors use them to attract our attention one of them by using celebrity endorsement on top of that targeting is another thing
that is
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 useful to find out customers who close to the shop or store that they make adverts for their products , mostly they have tried a lot to advertise for something that not easy to get in the mall so most
people
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 attract by advertising .
for instance
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 , when
i
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I
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 was in primary school my father bought me a bicycle because of one of the advert that he saw on TV . the color and music that he used in
advert
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the advert
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 made my father to
decide bought
Wrong verb form
buy
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 it
to
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for
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 me
.
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However
however
Linking Words
 recently
people
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are
Wrong verb form
have become
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 more aware of them because most of them are using
fakes
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fake
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things
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on the other hand
Linking Words
 . nowadays ,
people
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 are mindful of
that
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apply
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what kind of advertising
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is
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reliable to depend on for buying their
things
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,
cause
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because
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of
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apply
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consumers are aware of some
strategy
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strategies
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 that they use to
increasing
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increase
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 their sales without carrying advantages or disadvantages,so now selles man are trying to spot another way in which is sending vendors to mall or showroom to buy
things
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 , in my point of view .it is more clear to see
product
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the product
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 even if you can touch and more practical to choose a better product in conclusion , even though someone say
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
advertsemnet
Correct your spelling
advertising
 is a way that we can buy our
things
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from
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apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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because they offer some
things
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 that they
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rarely
rarly
Correct your spelling
rarely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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get in the shops,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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at the same
time
Use synonyms
 in my
Correct your spelling
opinion
poinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 of view adverts have been useless and less common because of having some problems relating
advertesements
Correct your spelling
advertisements
advertisement
Submitted by dler_shakar on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and subsequent sentences should support that idea. Avoid mixing different ideas within the same paragraph, and use transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more clearly defined. The introduction should clearly state the essay's topic and your thesis statement, while the conclusion should summarise the main points and restate your position without introducing new information.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use specific examples to support your arguments. While a personal anecdote was attempted, the relevance and details need to be clearer and contribute directly to supporting your main points.
Task Achievement
Ensure each task question is fully addressed in your response. The essay touches on the points that advertising can attract or fail to attract our attention but does not fully develop each side of the argument. An even-handed discussion would strengthen the response.
Task Achievement
Ideas need to be clearly stated and developed. Avoid overgeneralizations, and make sure that each paragraph explores a clear idea relevant to the topic. Use specific examples to illustrate your points and provide clear explanations of how the examples support your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Grammar and vocabulary should be accurate and varied. Frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing hinder the reader's understanding. Expand your range of sentence structures and practice using them accurately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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