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Band 3.5

International air travel has a negative impact upon the environment and should therefore be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#air #travel #impact #environment
Some people argue that
travelers
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travellers
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around the world would be destroyed the planet and should be prevented.I partly agree with
this
 statement since there are few benefits of flying.I'll analyze both my agreement and disagreement explanations in
this
 essay. İnternational travel is a well-discussed topic in
this
 era as it has become the major factor in globalization.On the one hand, it seems to me that
traveling
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travelling
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 internationally is economically beneficial for countries.As an
example
Add a comma
example,
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 tourism boosts a country's economy
as a result
 of expenditures of tourists and creates new job opportunities for local people.
Therefore
 international travel plays an essential role in a nation's economy.
On the other hand
,aeroplanes release a lot of carbon dioxide emissions which cause global warming. It refers to the gradual rise in the earth's temperature and
melting
Correct article usage
the melting
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ice
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of ice
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 glaciers
rapidly
Rephrase
apply
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.
As a result
, the sea level is progressively increasing. So it will directly impact seaside countries.
To sum up
 the above statement flying has a negative impact on the environment owing to the discharge of harmful gases and chemicals in the year.
Nevertheless
, as there are some disadvantages of international travelling,
such
 as the environmental impact like air pollution, the benefits of cross-cultural experiences and economic growth should not be overlooked.In my opinion, it would be more productive to explore alternative solutions to protect nature rather than restrict travelling.
Submitted by P.Erandi on

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task achievement
The essay presents relevant ideas but could benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion. Ensure the introduction clearly states your position on the topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your point of view, giving a sense of closure. Aim for clarity and precision in expressing your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has an identifiable structure, transitions between ideas could be smoother. Construct paragraphs with clear main ideas introduced by topic sentences, and use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs. This will strengthen the logical flow of your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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