IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

The number of amount of time spent on various leisure activities by four different tourists in Greece in August 2019.

#amount #time #leisure #activities #four #tourists #greece
The bar chart compares, the average
time
 spent on various leisure activities by four different
tourists
 from
Chinese
, American,
Turkish
 and
brazilian
Change the capitalization
Brazilian
show examples
while
 on vacation in Greece in August 2019.
Overall
, the average
time
 spent on reading
books
. On the flip side, the least
time
spent
Add a missing verb
is spent
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visiting beaches.
Only
Correct article usage
The only
show examples
 activity where the
Chinese
 spent most of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 was reading
books
. Two different
tourists
,
Turkish
 and
Brazilian
 had spent
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
amount
 of
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading
books
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
four hours per day each.
Similarly
, the
tourists
 from America and
Turkish
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
amount
 of
time
 visiting places
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
three hours per day each. The
Chinese
tourists
 spent twice the
amount
 of
time
 reading
books
 as the
Turkish
 and
brazilian
Change the capitalization
Brazilian
show examples
.
Whereas
, the American and
Turkish
 spent thrice the
amount
 of
time
 visiting places as the
Chinese
.
Likewise
, the
brazilian
Change the capitalization
Brazilian
show examples
 spent twice the
amount
 of
time
 at the beach as
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
show examples
 group.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction that sets the context and purpose of the data comparison. An effective introduction should include a paraphrase of the task and an overview of the main trends or features. Additionally, the essay is missing a conclusion which summarizes the findings or compares the main points effectively.
logical structure
The logical structure of the response is weak. The comparison of data across different categories of tourists is not always clear, and there is a lack of explicit signal words which could guide the reader through the comparisons and contrasts made.
supported main points
Main points are mentioned but not consistently supported by data from the bar chart. It would benefit from more detailed comparisons and a consistent approach to quantifying time spent on activities for each group of tourists.
complete response
The response addresses the task only partially, as it fails to adequately compare and contrast the time spent on different activities by the four nationalities. It would be more complete if it systematically addressed each category and provided a coherent overview.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas are presented, but they lack clarity and comprehensiveness. The writing could be significantly improved by organizing points in a consistent manner, using an approach that either compares each activity across nationalities or, alternatively, each nationality across activities.
relevant specific examples
Examples are somewhat relevant but are not accurately or clearly explained. It's important to ensure that examples provide a clear and accurate representation of the data. This could be improved by presenting precise figures and a clear explanation that accurately reflects the data.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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