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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

School teachers are more responsible for social and intellectual development of students than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is a widely held belief that school
teachers
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 have a greater impact than
parents
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 on
students
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' cognitive and social development.
However
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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 claim, as
parents
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 are the primary and lifelong educators.
To begin
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 with,
parents
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 are the first and most important
teachers
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 for their
children
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. From the moment a child is born,
parents
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 provide them with a secure and nurturing
environment
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 that fosters confidence and social skills.
Parents
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 teach their
children
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 how to interact with others and model positive
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
,
such
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 as respect towards humans and the
environment
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.
As a result
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,
children
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 who receive parental guidance are more likely to be successful socially and intellectually.
Furthermore
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,
while
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teachers
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 play an essential role in
students
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' cognitive development by presenting invaluable academic knowledge and core subjects, they cannot achieve
this
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 without parental guidance.
Parents
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 are the only ones who can monitor and supervise the learning outcomes of their
children
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. Creating a supportive
environment
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 at home can enhance
students
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' abstract thinking, productivity and perception to the fullest. Specialists have confirmed that a loving home
environment
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 helps
students
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 achieve the highest academic level and reach their intellectual potential. In conclusion,
although
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teachers
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 play a critical role in
students
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' lives, I believe that
parents
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 are the only ones who can impact their
children
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's lives in all aspects.
Therefore
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, it is evident that
parents
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 are the primary educators who create a meaningful impact
in
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on
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 the cognitive and social development of
students
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.

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Task Achievement
You need to fully address all parts of the task. The essay should clearly state your position and then develop supporting arguments throughout. While you do express a clear opinion, it should be supported by a wider range of ideas and examples relevant to the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to structure your argument. The essay as it stands lacks variety in linking words and phrases, which can lead to a sense of repetition. Additionally, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea supported by specific evidence and examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nuances
  • responsibility
  • intellectual development
  • social development
  • structured learning environment
  • curriculum
  • diverse interactions
  • group activities
  • conflict resolution
  • foundational impact
  • core values
  • beliefs
  • attitudes
  • nurturing
  • joint responsibility
  • collaboration
  • continuous dialogue
  • distinct roles
  • underestimate
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