Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we don't really need. Others say that advertisements tells us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays companies
had
made a great deal to change and facility Wrong verb form
have
the
Correct article usage
apply
humain
life. To help them Correct your spelling
human
for
that, they used publicity to attract people to purchase their products. Change preposition
with
However
, public
by the stuff even if they do not need it. Correct article usage
the public
Likewise
, I believe that they use
to be mature and Wrong verb form
used
buy
only things there
develop their life. Wrong verb form
bought
On
Change preposition
In
this
essay
I will elaborate Add a comma
essay,
my
points of view and Change preposition
on my
supporting
them with examples.
To start, Wrong verb form
support
company
of technology Fix the agreement mistake
companies
had
developed many gadgets to Wrong verb form
have
facility
the Replace the word
facilitate
life
of people. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
For example
, the invention of the smartphone. Now families can communicate between
Change preposition
apply
them
even if they live in Correct pronoun usage
apply
opposites corner
of the Fix the agreement mistake
opposite corners
word
. Correct your spelling
world
Beside
, we have the smart vacuum cleaner, Replace the word
Besides
who
changed the Correct pronoun usage
which
woman
routine and decreased the time they Change noun form
woman's
was
taken to clean the house. So now you can clean your floor Change the verb form
were
while
you are working from your office or doing shopping, just with
pressing the button start on your mobile phone.
After that, there is a huge number of publics are buying from the advertisement things that they do not use them after. Just because they had Change preposition
by
a
good publicity, to illustrate Remove the article
apply
this
female
like Fix the agreement mistake
females
skin care
items, and they would like to have Correct your spelling
skincare
a
perfect skin. they purchase Remove the article
apply
its
without thinking Correct pronoun usage
it
in
the results or the side effects. Change preposition
about
Due to
that some of them will be treating this
consequence with dermatology doctors. as a result
. this
person will spend more money.
In conclusion, each person is an adult and responsible. It is true that some things are improving our live
. But, before buying them, we need to think about the Replace the word
lives
costing
and the results.Replace the word
cost
Submitted by sonia.akkar on
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task achievement
Your essay tends to divert from the topic at times. It's crucial to stay focused on the arguments regarding advertising's role - whether it encourages unnecessary purchases or informs about beneficial products.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of information in your essay needs improvement. Paragraphs should transition smoothly from one to the next with clear topic sentences outlining the main point of each paragraph.
task achievement
While you've included examples, ensure that they are directly relevant to the question and clearly support your argument. Make sure examples are detailed and specific, rather than broad statements.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be clearer. The introduction should more directly address the prompt, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.