tudents perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some people It is shown in those
says
that Change the verb form
say
students
should be awarded in school to see their better performance while
others believe in punishment. I partially agree with this
statment
and will discuss Correct your spelling
statement
further
my views.
Firsty
, No doubt everyone should get awarded whether Correct your spelling
Firstly
First
its
a student or a working professional. Motivation is the key to Replace the word
it's
it is
boost
Wrong verb form
boosting
energy
level of Add an article
the energy
a
individual.Motivation can be done through Change the article
an
award
, appreciation Fix the agreement mistake
awards
letter
or Fix the agreement mistake
letters
speech
for their best performance. Fix the agreement mistake
speeches
Moreover
other Add a comma
Moreover,
students
are also
willing to give their best to get award
next time. Correct article usage
an award
For instance
Add a comma
,
a
research Remove the article
apply
of
Change preposition
by
harvard
universityChange the capitalization
Harvard
Correct word choice
that
school
who is rewarding more their Fix the agreement mistake
schools
students
are performing well in studies
or in other activities as well. Rewarding Correct pronoun usage
their studies
pupil
is a good way Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
for
encourage them to do Change preposition
to
more
better.
Correct quantifier usage
apply
On the other hand
, Punishment is also
important for students
otherwise
they will not be afraid in doing
anything wrong. During school days kids are not mature enough to see the difference Change preposition
to do
in
between good and wrong things. Change preposition
apply
In addition
, if nobody will stop
or Wrong verb form
stops
punish
them Correct subject-verb agreement
punishes
in
doing wrong things Change preposition
for
then
they will become a
Correct article usage
apply
criminal
one day. Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
for example
as
if
In conclusion , Awards or rewards Correct word choice
apply
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
the
good way to keep Correct article usage
a
students
motivation level up but punishment is Change noun form
students'
student's
also
required to stop them in
doing bad things.Change preposition
from
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure that should be improved for better coherence. Present ideas in a more organised manner
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved for clarity. Consider refining the thesis statement and summarising your views more effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You need to support your main points with more relevant examples and explanations. Aim to deepen your analysis of each point.
task achievement
While you addressed the task, you need to provide a more complete response. Cover all parts of the prompt in more detail and balance both views.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear but they need to be developed more comprehensively. Expanding on your points will enhance your essay's effectiveness.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to demonstrate your points. This will make your essay appear more convincing and rooted in reality.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.