IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Through socialization and civilization,
high
Change the article
a high
the high
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 number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
are immigrated
Change to the active voice
immigrate
have immigrated
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 to urban
areas
Use synonyms
 from various
suburb
Fix the agreement mistake
suburbs
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.
Although
Linking Words
 migrating towards town has helped in maintaining quality of life by getting various opportunities for employment, it has certainly concentrated the population in specific
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the globe and
have
Change the verb form
has
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 certainly some negative impacts upon those
areas
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. Through
this
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 essay, I will be discussing both the positive and negative aspects of migration and point out the reasons why its drawbacks exceed its benefits.
To begin
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 with, normally
people
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 who are qualified and professional
migrated
Wrong verb form
migrate
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 towards towns for proper employment opportunities as per their skills and
qualification
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qualifications
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. In
this
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 case, the movement of those
people
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 helps in enhancing and promoting the metropolitan and its development.
For example
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,
people
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 who are living in villages
areas
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 of Nepal
specially
Rephrase
especially
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 migrated towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cities like Kathmandu, Pokhara and Biratnagar. Most of the
people
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 who tend to move to those cities are mostly highly educated, skilled and qualified.
This
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 certainly helps to increase
industrialization
Correct article usage
the industrialization
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 and modernization of those cities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it has some cons for the public
as well as
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 the earth. Continuous migration towards urban
areas
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 caused
over population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
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 which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
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 in pollution towards that
area
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. Industrialization and modernization
products
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produce
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on
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apply
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various pollution including air, water, land, and noise.
Secondly
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, it vacant the small
areas
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 from where
people
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 are migrating time and again.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 results in
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of skilled and qualified manpower.
Likewise
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, the
people
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 living in that
area
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 will be receiving few facilities and amenities as very few
people
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 would be living in that
area
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.
This
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 would cause demolition of that
area
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.
To sum up
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, based on the arguments cited above, in my view, the demerits of
people
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 moving from one place to another overshadow the merits in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 term. In
this
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 case, it is necessary for the government to implement
the
Correct article usage
apply
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policies that would help in reducing the migration of the
people
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
You made an effort to discuss both sides of the argument and concluded with your own viewpoint, which addresses the task. However, the position could be better clarified throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion, to strongly convey a consistent response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical structuring of the essay by using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, which will introduce the main idea unequivocally. Avoid grouping contrasting ideas in a single paragraph to maintain clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include more detailed examples and explanations to better support your main points. This will help to develop your ideas more fully and make your argument more convincing.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • metropolitan
  • migration
  • globalization
  • socio-economic factors
  • traditional norms
  • cosmopolitan environment
  • brain drain
  • assimilation
  • gentrification
  • alienation
  • multiculturalism
  • infrastructure strain
What to do next:
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