These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Through socialization and civilization,
high
number of Change the article
a high
the high
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
are immigrated
to urban Change to the active voice
immigrate
have immigrated
areas
from various suburb
. Fix the agreement mistake
suburbs
Although
migrating towards town has helped in maintaining quality of life by getting various opportunities for employment, it has certainly concentrated the population in specific part
of the globe and Fix the agreement mistake
parts
have
certainly some negative impacts upon those Change the verb form
has
areas
. Through this
essay, I will be discussing both the positive and negative aspects of migration and point out the reasons why its drawbacks exceed its benefits.
To begin
with, normally people
who are qualified and professional migrated
towards towns for proper employment opportunities as per their skills and Wrong verb form
migrate
qualification
. In Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
this
case, the movement of those people
helps in enhancing and promoting the metropolitan and its development. For example
, people
who are living in villages areas
of Nepal specially
migrated towards Rephrase
especially
the
cities like Kathmandu, Pokhara and Biratnagar. Most of the Correct article usage
apply
people
who tend to move to those cities are mostly highly educated, skilled and qualified. This
certainly helps to increase industrialization
and modernization of those cities.
Correct article usage
the industrialization
On the other hand
, it has some cons for the public as well as
the earth. Continuous migration towards urban areas
caused over population
which Correct your spelling
overpopulation
result
in pollution towards that Correct subject-verb agreement
results
area
. Industrialization and modernization products
Replace the word
produce
on
various pollution including air, water, land, and noise. Change preposition
apply
Secondly
, it vacant the small areas
from where people
are migrating time and again. It
results in Correct pronoun usage
This
lack
of skilled and qualified manpower. Correct article usage
a lack
Likewise
, the people
living in that area
will be receiving few facilities and amenities as very few people
would be living in that area
. This
would cause demolition of that area
.
To sum up
, based on the arguments cited above, in my view, the demerits of people
moving from one place to another overshadow the merits in long
term. In Correct article usage
the long
this
case, it is necessary for the government to implement the
policies that would help in reducing the migration of the Correct article usage
apply
people
.Submitted by sub.ranji on
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Task Achievement
You made an effort to discuss both sides of the argument and concluded with your own viewpoint, which addresses the task. However, the position could be better clarified throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion, to strongly convey a consistent response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical structuring of the essay by using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, which will introduce the main idea unequivocally. Avoid grouping contrasting ideas in a single paragraph to maintain clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include more detailed examples and explanations to better support your main points. This will help to develop your ideas more fully and make your argument more convincing.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...