Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some
people
argue that
job
security
is more substantial,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others claim that being content at
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
is
prominent
Correct word choice
important
show examples
to
be achieved
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
.
While
getting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
satisfaction
may retain employees to stay in a company, I believe that a permanent
job
will give more benefits to the employees.
Job
satisfaction
can keep
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
to hold the fort in one
job
.
This
tendency happens
since
Correct word choice
because
show examples
when
people
do a task that
align
Change the verb form
aligns
show examples
with their passion, they will stay in their comfort zone.
For instance
,
people
who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
an
extrovert
Fix the agreement mistake
extroverts
show examples
and love to communicate with others will be pleased to work in
marketing
Add an article
the marketing
show examples
section,
while
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
show examples
able to use their talent to produce excellent outcomes.
As a result
, when endowment can be applied in their routine roles,
people
will stay as their
job
satisfaction
is achieved. With
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
when
job
rivalry is insane, getting a permanent
job
is a blessing that everyone could ask for.
This
happens because when
people
get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
security
, they will get a monthly stable income, a huge amount of health insurance, or even
annual
Correct article usage
an annual
show examples
bonus which cannot be obtained by temporary employees. If,
for example
,
people
work as non-permanent staff, it
also
increases their chance
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
lay-off
Correct your spelling
laid off
show examples
, which commonly
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
in
this
industrial era.
Hence
,
job
security
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
show examples
something crucial to be
fighted
Correct your spelling
fought
show examples
to assure workers
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
having a safety net in the future.
To sum up
, many
people
argue that getting
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
job
satisfaction
is valuable,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others claim that it is terrible to be hired as a temporary employee. In my opinion, it is good
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
we are comfortable and feel content about our jobs,
however
attaining a permanent
job
must be put at our top priorities since it can
gives
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
us a sense of
security
to face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life after decades.
Submitted by aidafathiaa on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic but lacks clear and comprehensive development of ideas. Ensure that both points of view are discussed equally and that your opinion is supported by strong, clear arguments.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is visible but lacking in clarity and effectiveness. Develop a clear introductory paragraph by outlining both views and your thesis statement. Use topic sentences effectively to introduce main points, and write a concluding paragraph that restates your opinion and summarises the main points.

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