IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You have been asked to organise a social event for your company. Write an email to your colleagues. In the email say: - What suggestions have been made - What you think about the suggestions - What you have decided to do

#organise #event #company #email #colleagues #suggestions
Dear colleagues, We haven’t been able to have an end-of-year social event for the past two years
due to
 limited funds.
This
 year,
however
, the company has offered to pay for an end-of-year party. We’ve discussed various options as you will see below.
Firstly
 we considered an office party held on the premises. The main advantage of
this
 would be that it avoids any need for people to make special travel arrangements.
On the other hand
, the building doesn’t really have a space
that is
 suitable. We
therefore
 looked at a meal out as there are a number of suitable restaurants close to the office. One argument against
this
 was that sitting at
table
Add an article
the table
a table
show examples
 is not a good way for us to mix and get to know people from other departments.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 we discussed a day trip,
for example
 to a local tourist spot. The main drawback of
this
 is the cost.
In addition
, it’s difficult to find somewhere that caters for all of our needs and interests. Taking all of the points into consideration, we propose an office party for all staff, to be held in the main reception area. Date and time to be confirmed. Please let us know your opinion, preferably before the end of next week. Thank you, Fiona
Submitted by mustafaabedinasab on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Please ensure that your essay remains focused on the task at hand. You did well in keeping a clear structure, but make sure each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. Use cohesive devices to enhance the readability of your text.
Task Achievement
Your response effectively outlines possible suggestions for the social event, but could demonstrate comprehensive development of these ideas by expanding on the implications or effects of these options. Provide more relevant, specific examples or details to support your opinions and decisions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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