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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The bar chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#bar #world #illiteracy #rates #region #gender #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart provides information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 estimated world uneducated people rates by district and by sex for the
last
 year.
Overall
,
illiteracy
Correct article usage
the illiteracy
show examples
 rate of citizens from
south asia
Correct your spelling
South Asia
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 is the highest in both genders,
while
 in developed countries only a few
men
 and women
are not
Verb problem
do
show examples
 get
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
.
To begin
 with,
men
 and women,unable to read and write,was made up around 1% and 2% in developed countries.In
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
,the proportion of illiterate
cityzens
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cities
 in Latin
Ameria
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America
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 and the Caribbean
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 higher,above 10 and around 12 respectively for
male
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males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.In east
asia
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Asia
show examples
 and the
oceania
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Oceania
show examples
,
however
,the gap between
men
 and female was enormous,there
were
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was
show examples
exact
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exactly
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 20% compared
wit
Correct your spelling
with
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 almost 8%
men
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of men
show examples
. With regard to other nations,Sub-Saharan
africa
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Africa
show examples
 had much
greather
Correct your spelling
greater
 proportions of the unschooled population,approximately 48% women and above 30%
men
.In terms of Arab states,more than half of the
femal
Correct your spelling
female
 was illiterate and almost
one-quarth
Correct your spelling
one-quarter
one-quart
 of
men
.
Lastly
,South
asia
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Asia
show examples
 stood out as having the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
worst illiteracy figures for both sexes,55%female versus
aroung
Correct your spelling
around
 35%
men
.
Submitted by alex.martirosyan201206 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Illiteracy rates
  • Region
  • Gender disparity
  • Bar chart
  • Estimated
  • Summarise
  • Main features
  • Comparisons
  • Analyzing
  • Discrepancies
  • Significant
  • Pronounced
  • Speculation
  • Male
  • Female
  • Global perspective
  • Literacy
  • Educational attainment
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Cultural influences
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