Some peoplesay that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In the period of globalization, most communities live together thanks to melody and they prefer to learn about different cultures
thus
crowds of different ages live in the same geographical places.In my opinion, I completely agree with this
idea and this
opinion I will explain it immediately.
It is an undeniable fact that singing is beneficial in my country and everyone believes that It's definitely rock that brings us together in society from different fashions.In the past, folk searched for certain rhythms that were pleasing to the ear, one by one, in all geographies.Afterwards, they chatted in different tones.For example
:In order to live together with
the Uyghurs, the Chinese got to know each other through musical rhythms and made friends. Then
they visited each other as friends and settled down. The Chinese government opened Uyghur schools, provided them with adequate professions, gave them jobs and allowed them to open factories in its country.
As a decision, society from different backgrounds and fashion have brought together community
from different backgrounds and abilities as a conclusion of their interest in rock.
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
Moreover
, another factor to consider this
that It is known that singing competitions are held in different communities around the world.Everyone interested in opera participates in these competitions and all people introduce each other as brothers.family of different art and different ages know each other with different harmonies For example
, in 2020, 5 million society from 16 people came to visit Turkey in the "state Compete with Music" program in Turkey.In conclusion, a crowd of different skin colours came together as a whole and sang a melody together.The whole world watched this
and attracted attention, and the power of the piece was realized so much that everyone started to look at tune with respect and love.As a decision, it has become clear that all folk come together with
the singing competition.
I believe that community
from different Fix the agreement mistake
communities
fashion
and different ages will always come together thanks to melody, and I completely agree.Fix the agreement mistake
fashions
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear and well-structured introduction that clearly presents the topic and your stance on the issue. It jumps into the argument without establishing the context. Make sure to start with a clear introductory paragraph that includes a thesis statement.
logical structure
The essay is difficult to follow due to a lack of logical progression and clear paragraphing. Sentences are disjointed, and ideas are not effectively sequenced. Work on using cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs smoothly, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences.
supported main points
The provided examples and reasons in support of main points need to be developed further for clarity. Each paragraph should center around one main idea with explanations and examples that are directly relevant to the topic. Avoid making generalized or vague statements.
complete response
The prompt asks for your agreement or disagreement to a specific opinion, but the response only partially addresses this task. To fully respond to the task, ensure that the entire essay focuses on directly answering the question, with a clear position that is maintained throughout the essay. Summarize your perspective effectively in the conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented are not expressed clearly and lack comprehension. It's important to work on organizing your thoughts and presenting them in a coherent and easily understood manner. Use clear, straightforward language and ensure that each paragraph adds to the overall argument.
relevant specific examples
The essay offers relevant examples, such as the 'state Compete with Music' program, which add strength to the argument. Continue to use specific examples to support your points, as they help to illustrate and substantiate your ideas effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example