Some people think tv is good for us, while others argues that television has many disadvantages. Discuss both views.

#people #tv #television

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Many individuals believe

Use synonyms

is a positive thing for us,

while

Linking Words

other

people

Use synonyms

said

Wrong verb form

say

show examples

that Television brings many disadvantages.

While

Linking Words

some citizens find

Use synonyms

is hat

Use synonyms

is good for us, I strongly believe watching television is detrimental because it brings many drawbacks that

this

Linking Words

leads

Wrong verb form

leading

show examples

to a sedentary life

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and

obese

Replace the word

obesity

show examples

. On the

oone

Correct your spelling

one

hand, watching

Use synonyms

brings many drawbacks for the vast majority of

people

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as living a sedentary life.

This

Linking Words

also

Linking Words

brings

Correct pronoun usage

us to

show examples

not being

physical

Change the adjective

physically

show examples

active because they are glued to their

screems

Correct your spelling

screens

screams

, and feel the

necesity

Correct your spelling

necessity

to keep watching programs. Another negative aspect is that watching

Use synonyms

is a bad habit that might lead to

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

an obese person. Some of these

people

Use synonyms

barely go to the kitchen and perform some other physical activity. To illustrate my point, in the United

States

Add a comma

States,

show examples

most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

Use synonyms

suffer from obesity because they are

obessesed

Correct your spelling

obsessed

with spending their free time

watchig

Correct your spelling

watching

Use synonyms

program for several hours and eating

while

Linking Words

they are resting.

However

Linking Words

, I strongly believe

this

Linking Words

type of behaviour is detrimental

for

Change preposition

show examples

our health.

On the other

Linking Words

hand

Add a comma

hand,

show examples

watching

Use synonyms

might be a good thing for some

people

Use synonyms

because they can have their favorite meals

while

Linking Words

seeing a Netflix series.

Firstly

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

might lead them to feel happiness when they have some spare time to rest.

Also

Linking Words

, many of them enjoy ordering their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

food

while

Linking Words

watching

Use synonyms

programs and they really love

this

Linking Words

type of

activities

Fix the agreement mistake

activity

show examples

. Another thing is

tha

Correct your spelling

that

many

people

Use synonyms

spend only a couple of dollars to pay

Use synonyms

Change preposition

for TV

show examples

services because they have

awesome

Add an article

an awesome

show examples

time watching movies.

For instance

Linking Words

, all around the world, watching

Use synonyms

is one of

people

Use synonyms

's favorite things to do, and

this

Linking Words

might lead

that

Change preposition

show examples

parents

might save

Wrong verb form

saving

show examples

money by staying at home. I

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

watching

Use synonyms

is great for families who want to save money and

decided

Wrong verb form

decide

show examples

to stay at home.

To conclude

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

many

people

Use synonyms

think that watching

Use synonyms

brings several drawbacks, I strongly believe that

this

Linking Words

is an awesome thing to do for some

people

Use synonyms

who want to save money and have fun at home.

Submitted by cuevas14dic on Wed Dec 27 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks clear logical structure and connectors which are essential for coherence. Consider using linking words to improve the flow of ideas.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more clear and concise. Make sure they define the scope and summarize the essay effectively.

coherence cohesion

Main points should be supported with more details or examples. They currently lack depth and specificity, which would strengthen the argument.

task achievement

The response is generally on topic, but sometimes you may drift from a direct answer, resulting in a partial fulfillment of the task requirements. Focus on directly addressing the question throughout the essay.

task achievement

The ideas presented are relatively clear, but they can sometimes be confusing or underdeveloped. Strive for clarity and depth in your arguments for a higher score.

task achievement

Use more relevant and specific examples to back up your arguments. Broad or general statements are less effective than specific, concrete examples.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

350 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8.5
band
A local college is having an International day. You want to speak about your country to students from different cultures. Write a letter to your college head. Talk about the topic you are going to talk about. Explain why would they be of interest to students Ask about any arrangements you need to work to give the talk.
I got the news about the upcoming International Day in our college, and as a final year student of this institution, I would love to speak about my country Nigeria to other students from different parts of the world. I believe it will be a great moment for everyone.
6.5
band
Some people believe that money spent on space exploration is not justifiable. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, various people claim that the money spent on space exploration is unjustifiable. Also, they believe that these funds should be spent on more beneficial areas. Space exploration has not yielded benefits commensurate with the billions of dollars spent on it. I strongly agree that there are more usable things to spend these funds on.
8
band
As languages such as English, Spanish and Mandarin become more widely spoken, there is a concern that many minority languages may disappear. Some countries have taken steps to protect minority languages. What is your view of this practice ?
As the world integrated, many people willing to learn a second language which is mostly includes English, Spanish and Mandarin. However, this situation contributes disappearance of non-popular languages. Therefore, some communities aim to take effective actions by preserving theirs. In my side of view, these protections are necessary and most value them. In this essay, I will outline my vision in this case and present some reasons.
7
band
Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?
An increasing number of people today opt to work for themselves instead of having a job. This choice has a number of benefits and drawbacks, which will be discussed in this essay.
7
band
For the past year, you have been a member of a local club. Now you want to discontinue your membership. Write a letter to the club secretary. In your letter state what type of membership you have and how you have paid for this give details of how you have benefited from the club explain why you want to leave
I hope this letter finds you well. My name is Vlad and one year ago I purchased a member platinum card to visiting your sports centre. Unfortunately, I would like to unsubscribe from my club card, due to the fact that I will change my location.

Some people think tv is good for us, while others argues that television has many disadvantages. Discuss both views.

Some people believe that money spent on space exploration is not justifiable. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As languages such as English, Spanish and Mandarin become more widely spoken, there is a concern that many minority languages may disappear. Some countries have taken steps to protect minority languages. What is your view of this practice ?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?