Some people think tv is good for us, while others argues that television has many disadvantages. Discuss both views.

#people #tv #television

Many individuals believe

is a positive thing for us,

while

other

people

said

Wrong verb form

say

show examples

that Television brings many disadvantages.

While

some citizens find

is hat

is good for us, I strongly believe watching television is detrimental because it brings many drawbacks that

this

leads

Wrong verb form

leading

show examples

to a sedentary life

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and

obese

Replace the word

obesity

show examples

. On the

oone

Correct your spelling

one

hand, watching

brings many drawbacks for the vast majority of

people

such

as living a sedentary life.

This

also

brings

Correct pronoun usage

us to

show examples

not being

physical

Change the adjective

physically

show examples

active because they are glued to their

screems

Correct your spelling

screens

screams

, and feel the

necesity

Correct your spelling

necessity

to keep watching programs. Another negative aspect is that watching

is a bad habit that might lead to

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

an obese person. Some of these

people

barely go to the kitchen and perform some other physical activity. To illustrate my point, in the United

States

Add a comma

States,

show examples

most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

suffer from obesity because they are

obessesed

Correct your spelling

obsessed

with spending their free time

watchig

Correct your spelling

watching

program for several hours and eating

while

they are resting.

However

, I strongly believe

this

type of behaviour is detrimental

for

Change preposition

show examples

our health.

On the other

hand

Add a comma

hand,

show examples

watching

might be a good thing for some

people

because they can have their favorite meals

while

seeing a Netflix series.

Firstly

this

might lead them to feel happiness when they have some spare time to rest.

Also

, many of them enjoy ordering their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

food

while

watching

programs and they really love

this

type of

activities

Fix the agreement mistake

activity

show examples

. Another thing is

tha

Correct your spelling

that

many

people

spend only a couple of dollars to pay

Change preposition

for TV

show examples

services because they have

awesome

Add an article

an awesome

show examples

time watching movies.

For instance

, all around the world, watching

is one of

people

's favorite things to do, and

this

might lead

that

Change preposition

show examples

parents

might save

Wrong verb form

saving

show examples

money by staying at home. I

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

watching

is great for families who want to save money and

decided

Wrong verb form

decide

show examples

to stay at home.

To conclude

although

many

people

think that watching

brings several drawbacks, I strongly believe that

this

is an awesome thing to do for some

people

who want to save money and have fun at home.

Submitted by cuevas14dic on Wed Dec 27 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay lacks clear logical structure and connectors which are essential for coherence. Consider using linking words to improve the flow of ideas.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more clear and concise. Make sure they define the scope and summarize the essay effectively.

coherence cohesion

Main points should be supported with more details or examples. They currently lack depth and specificity, which would strengthen the argument.

task achievement

The response is generally on topic, but sometimes you may drift from a direct answer, resulting in a partial fulfillment of the task requirements. Focus on directly addressing the question throughout the essay.

task achievement

The ideas presented are relatively clear, but they can sometimes be confusing or underdeveloped. Strive for clarity and depth in your arguments for a higher score.

task achievement

Use more relevant and specific examples to back up your arguments. Broad or general statements are less effective than specific, concrete examples.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

350 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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