IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

what is your opinion toward legal Cannabis ues for recreational purposes?

#cannabis #ues #purposes
Some countries make an
enrol
Correct your spelling
enrolment
show examples
 for using
Cannabis
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 entertainment
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
. In my
opinions
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
show examples
, I don't agree with
this
 because many crimes happened in society
under influenced
Add a hyphen
under-influenced
show examples
this
plant
.
However
, the usage of
Cannabis
 should be
controled
Correct your spelling
controlled
 by the government. I will start
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact. The
person
 that consumes the
Cannabis
 will depend on
this
plant
. They desire to consume
this
plant
 always present every time. When the
people
 don't have anymore, they will do anything to get the
Cannabis
. The pressure will make the
people
to do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 a crime.
For example
, they will be thief to get money and use
this
 money to buy
Cannabis
. Another impact
use
Wrong verb form
of using
show examples
Cannabis
 continuously
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 period is
impairment
Correct article usage
the impairment
show examples
 of
nerve
Correct article usage
the nerve
show examples
 system. The
person
 will be lazy and so hard to think positively. The
cell
Fix the agreement mistake
cells
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the system
show examples
system
Change noun form
system's
show examples
 nerve centre will
going to
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 down in number
caused
Wrong verb form
causing them
show examples
 consume the
plant
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time. the cell will die and it cannot come back to normal function.
This
 change makes the
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 consume
Cannabis
 very hard to communicate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
other
Change the wording
another person
other people
show examples
person
.
Next,
the
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
under
influence
Correct article usage
the influence
show examples
Cannabis
Change preposition
of Cannabis
show examples
 have behaviour to tend
unsocial
Add a missing verb
be unsocial
show examples
. Illustration for
this
 behaviour, They are
more close
Correct word choice
closer
show examples
 form other
people
 and
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
 they want to do without thinking negative impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
. in
conclusson
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
Cannabis
 is
Correct article usage
a forbidden's
show examples
forbidden's
Change noun form
forbidden
show examples
plant
 to consume
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 anything reason.
This
plant
 has many negative impacts that will
be
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 the
person
 to
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 a crime.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, any
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 in the world
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a
roll
Correct your spelling
role
show examples
 in using
this
Cannabis
.
Submitted by endangsepdanius on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay shows an attempt to present an argument against the recreational use of cannabis, with reasons and examples. However, greater development of ideas and exploration of the topic could improve the task response significantly. Try to fully extend and support your points with clear, relevant examples and make sure to address the question directly throughout.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks logical flow and clear progression of ideas; work on linking your thoughts coherently. Use cohesive devices and paragraphing to organize your essay better and clarify the relationship between ideas. Ensure introduction and conclusion are clearly identifiable and echo the thesis for a more polished output.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: