IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many people believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. Do you agree or disagree?

#teenagers #people #parents #time #work #children
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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 we can see numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
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young people have a social problem, but the problem
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 necessarily caused by the parents. Could be that
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
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happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
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 because environment,
that's
Correct word choice
and that's
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 why juvenile delinquency can occur. I
am completely disagree
Change the verb form
completely disagree
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 with that statement. I would
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
like
Add the particle
like to
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 explain why I choose
disagree
Add the particle
to disagree
show examples
.
Firstly
,
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
The response is incomplete and does not fully address the requirements of the task. The introduction cuts off abruptly without leading into the body of the essay where arguments are to be developed.
task achievement
The position is stated, 'I am completely disagree with that statement', though it should be 'I completely disagree with that statement.' However, there is no development of ideas or arguments to support this position.
coherence cohesion
There is no evidence of a conclusion or a summary of the points made, as the essay is unfinished.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure and fails to develop an argument with supporting points. Begin with an introduction, follow with a series of paragraphs that develop your argument, and end with a conclusion that summarizes your view.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to provide supported main points with explanations and examples where necessary. Each paragraph should center on one main idea with clear supporting details.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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